Embarassing Accident!

 

Couldn’t resist sharing this one, since a friend sent it to my wife and I, and we both burst out laughing as soon as we saw it!

I’m feeling kinda brain dead today, so unless things improve on that score, I won’t be attempting any of my own original humor here today. But… I still want to contribute something to make people smile and maybe even laugh, most of all on a Monday during the holiday season, during these very difficult and trying economic times. I believe in the power of humor, and I think that laughter is one of the best stress relievers available without a prescription.

So excuse me if I borrow some humor and share it with you.

This story was not written by me. Although the events described sounds like something that could happen to me. (God forbid!) I have tried to find who the original author is, but without success.

Calling in sick to work makes me uncomfortable. (First clue to prove that I didn’t write this – I have never been uncomfortable about calling in sick.) No matter how legitimate my illness, I always sense my boss thinks I am lying. (Wimp! Ok, I’ll settle down now, and let the wimp tell his story!)

On one occasion, I had a valid reason, but lied anyway because the truth was too humiliating. I just mentioned that I had sustained a head injury and I hoped I would feel well enough to come in the next day. By then, I thought I could think up a way to explain the bandage on my head that wouldn’t be nearly so embarrassing.

The accident occurred because my wife and I had recently adopted a cute little kitty from our local shelter. Initially, our new pet was no problem, but one morning I was taking my shower after breakfast when I heard my wife, Deb, call out to me from the kitchen.

“Ed!! The garbage disposal is dead. Come and reset it.” “You know where the button is,” I protested through the shower (pitter-patter). “Reset it yourself!” “I’m scared!” she pleaded. “What if it starts going and sucks me in?” (Pause) “C’mon, it’ll only take you a second.”

So out I came, dripping wet and buck naked, hoping to make a statement about how her silly behavior was not without consequence. I crouched down and stuck my head under the sink to find the reset button.

It is the last action I remember performing.

It struck without warning, without any regard for my circumstances. No, it wasn’t a demonically possessed disposal drawing me into its gnashing metal teeth. It was our new kitty, clawing playfully at the dangling “cat toys” she spied between my legs. She had been poised around the corner and stalked me as I crouched under the sink.

At precisely the second I was most vulnerable, she leapt at the family jewels I left exposed and unguarded, and snagged them with her needle-like claws. I immediately lost all capacity for rational thought and self control, while instantly leaping upward, with the full weight of a kitten dug in and hanging from my masculinity!

Wild animals are sometimes faced with a “fight or flight” syndrome. Men, in this predicament, choose only the “flight” option.  Fleeing straight up, the sink and cabinet stopped my ascent with blunt force trauma to my head, and the impact knocked me out cold. When I awoke, my wife and the paramedics stood over me.

Having been fully briefed by my wife, the paramedics snorted as they tried to conduct their work while suppressing hysterical laughter.

At the office the next day, my co-workers tried to pry an explanation out of me. I kept silent, claiming it was too painful to talk about. “What’s the matter?” one of them asked, “Cat got your tongue?” “Well, not exactly…” I answered vaguely, while silently and profoundly relieved that they’d never know the awful truth!

 

About Chris Sheridan

I’m a 56 year old guy who is young (and immature) at heart, and I love humor and laughter. Married for 22 years, but still enjoy all the glories of womanhood everywhere, even while dedicated to one woman only - and I hope my wife never finds out about her!
This entry was posted in Humor and tagged , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

30 Responses to Embarassing Accident!

  1. benzeknees says:

    I’ve actually seen this joke before – but it never fails to make me laugh as I picture this poor man with a cat stuck to him! Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha

    • Hey, glad it was good for a laugh for you, even though you’ve seen it before. I know it’s been around for a while. I think I first saw it and saved it back in 2003. Thanks for stopping by, and have a great day! :-)

  2. Martin D. Goodkin says:

    ‘I’m feeling kinda brain dead today’–that seems to be an everyday occurrence with you lately!!! LOL

    • Yeah, I know. I think it must be all the sex… Maybe that whole theory about the consequences of all the blood rushing from our brains to south of our belt buckle is true after all. Scary thought!

  3. Martin D. Goodkin says:

    WRONG!!!! The more sex I have the smarter I am!!

  4. LMAO! I am so LMAO!!!!!!!!

  5. Some guys just know how to work all the “angles” Martin… Lol ;-)

    • Martin D. Goodkin says:

      They are known as ‘scam artists’ in South Florida—among other things!!!

      • Now Martin, play nice or you won’t be allowed in the sand box. I made clear right at the very beginning that I didn’t write this, but I still wanted to share it with others, so we could share some laughter. That hardly fits the description of being a scam artist.

  6. I still do, and I know that you are also still young, (at heart) and you have a great sense of humor. I just want everyone else here, who doesn’t know you as well as I do, to know that about you too. It just isn’t like that other place here at WP, and I wouldn’t want anyone to get the wrong impression of you, my friend. :-)

    • Martin D. Goodkin says:

      How long can it take them to know that I have charm, talent, personality and a very small ego!!! (Did I say the latter???????)

      • You named yours “Ego”??? I call mine “Big Jim and the Twins”! LOL! OK, I deserve whatever I get for a reply like that one, so fire at will, and don’t save the ammunition. ;-)

        • Martin D. Goodkin says:

          Those of us who HAVE it don’t have to boast about it all the time–unlike you and others who need tweezers!!!! LOL
          That WAS a good one!!!!

  7. Thanks for the giggles & guffaws my friend… Always a treat to pop by & see what you’ve been up to… ;) And indeed, the treats you share… :D

  8. Oh my goodness! This made me cringe and laugh all at once. Thanks for sharing it!

  9. Pingback: The ROTFLMAO Award « Motley News

  10. Wow! I thought she was naked too and playing some kind of absurd joke on the people in the picture! Too funny! :)

    • It’s one of the funniest photo jokes that I’ve seen in a while, and the beauty of it is that I don’t think it was photo-shopped! It might be, but I don’t think it is, so this probably is an authentic photo that just came out this way! And now that woman is worldwide web famous for it… Isn’t the internet a wonderful thing? LOL :-)

  11. Crud, I hadn’t finished reading, was so amazed with the picture! Poor kitty! LOL

  12. Kate Kresse says:

    LOL. Thanks for sharing :-). silly kitty

  13. Pingback: Feeling Left Behind and Out in the Cold? This One’s for You. | Word Play

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s