Posting Whatever I Feel Like Posting Today

A while back, my wife had the head cold from hell. In addition to feeling really lousy, she suffered from prolonged and exhausting bouts of sneezing. So when I went to the supermarket to pick up some chicken soup and cold medicine for her, I also brought home this tabloid “newspaper” in the hope that it would help to cheer her up.

 

 

I was hoping that she would be encouraged to know that there was an upside to all the sneezing she’d been going through, although it might have made a “bigger” impression on her, if the source had been say, Scientific American Magazine or The Journal of the American Medical Association, but Weekly World News had scooped them both on this “Incredible new medical discovery!” and hey, in the news biz, if you snooze, you lose!

But apparently if you’re a woman with a cold, when you sneeze, you gain! So cheer up all you sneezing female cold sufferers out there, because it’s not just your watering eyes that are puffing up when you sneeze! Something bigger and better is happening as well! :-)

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This turned up earlier today, when I was vacuuming behind the sofa, after moving it away from the wall to help my wife find her lost opal earring. (yes! success!) Several questions come to mind…

1. Has anyone here ever tried this?

2. Will anyone here admit to having tried this?

3. Does it work?

4. And for me, the biggest question of all is: Who on earth thought of this, and just how did it come about that they made this discovery?

It kinda boggles my brain. Is it really true that one fine day some gal (or guy – always a possibility) suddenly thought ‘I think I’ll dip my panty hose in water, wring them out, put them in a plastic bag and freeze them solid. Then I’ll defrost them and hang them up to dry, so they’ll be more run-proof.’

Really??? Assuming that it was a woman who made this discovery, and this is the sort of thing that runs through a woman’s mind during those pensive pauses in conversation when she is quiet, is it any wonder that us guys have no clue what on earth you’re thinking??? Just HOW on earth could we ever know?

Okay, I’m just having a little fun here, and that’s probably not how this amazing discovery came about. To take a wild guess, it probably had something to do with a woman getting soaked in the rain, and while changing, tossing her panty hose in a plastic bag, which then got tossed in a car, and left in the car during a freezing cold night, to later be defrosted and dried, and then lasting longer without running, than any previous pair of panty hose owned by this woman.

Other than that, I’m at a total loss… How about you?

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Like so many other folks out there, I’ve been a big fan of John Cleese for many years. And apparently, John Cleese is a big fan of lemurs, like this guy he’s posing with here, perched on his shoulder. That John Cleese should love lemurs, makes delightfully perfect sense to me. Because you’d have to look far to find a more “Pythonesque” creature to perch upon your shoulder than a lemur.

And since I’m posting whatever I feel like posting today, I think I’m now going to turn this post over to the wit and wisdom of John Cleese. If you’ve read the following before, well sorry about that, but I’ve read and enjoyed this more than once, and maybe you will too. Oh, and my apologies in advance to the French, or any other nationalities that may be offended. (Latvians and Estonians, I think that you’re safe.)

Terror Alerts – by John Cleese.

The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats and have therefore raised their security level from “Miffed” to “Peeved.”

Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to “Irritated” or even “A Bit Cross.” The English have not been “A Bit Cross” since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from “Tiresome” to “A Bloody Nuisance.”

The last time the British issued a “Bloody Nuisance” warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.

The Scots have raised their threat level from “Pissed Off” to “Let’s get the Bastards!” They don’t have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years.

The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from “Run” to “Hide.” The only two higher levels in France are “Collaborate” and “Surrender.” The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France’s white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country’s military capability.

Italy has increased the alert level from “Shout Loudly and Excitedly” to “Elaborate Military Posturing.” Two more levels remain: “Ineffective Combat Operations” and “Change Sides.”

The Germans have increased their alert state from “Disdainful Arrogance” to “Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs.” They also have two higher levels: “Invade a Neighbor” and “Lose.”

Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels .

The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

Australia , meanwhile, has raised its security level from “No worries” to “She’ll be alright, Mate.” Three more escalation levels remain: “Crikey!”, “I think we’ll need to cancel the barbie this weekend”, and “The barbie is canceled.”

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Last night when I couldn’t sleep, I was going through an old e-mail folder of messages I sent my wife while I was away on business trips, back when I had a job that involved a lot of overnight travel. Most of it dated back to between 2005-2007 and when I was away, I always tried to send her something every day at lunch time that I thought she would enjoy, and make her smile.

But last night when I tried to open up the link for one of the things I sent her back then, the link was dead. This was disappointing, because it was one of her favorites, and also one of mine as well. But thanks to YouTube, last night I was able to find a slightly different version of the original.

If you’ve ever liked The Beatles, a Rock n’ Roll band out of Liverpool, England, that had some success in the 1960s, you might enjoy this.

Turn your speakers up and maximize your screen for maximum enjoyment!

Happy Saturday night WordPress!!! :-)

 

About Chris Sheridan

I’m a 56 year old guy who is young (and immature) at heart, and I love humor and laughter. Married for 22 years, but still enjoy all the glories of womanhood everywhere, even while dedicated to one woman only - and I hope my wife never finds out about her!
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12 Responses to Posting Whatever I Feel Like Posting Today

  1. *blows my nose on your sleeve*

  2. LMAO .. You are so grotty!

    • And I would be a fool to deny it, because there is no doubt that I am very “grotty”! But I have been told that I’m also humorously and lovably grotty as well, so like most things in life, I’m a trade-off. Seldom boring, but often grotty! LOL :-)

  3. Ahhhh… hell. Time for me to come clean. Yes, I tried the freezing panty hose many many moons ago. Back when I was a teen living at home. My mother found that hint, probably Dear Abby or something like that, and we tried it. Did it work? Can’t remember.

    • Really? I was beginning to think that whoever wrote this panty hose prolonging tip, was just pulling our nylon covered smooth legs, and making the whole thing up, while leading us on a panty hose Snipe hunt. Ever try to hunt for a panty hose wearing Snipe at night? They’re even harder to find than the more commonly mythical Snipe, that’s been eluding Boy Scouts on night time Snipe hunts for decades! Thanks Michelle! For you have shown that sometimes truth really is stranger than fiction! Lol :-)

  4. Sheena says:

    Well I am soaking my pantyhose in vinegar and I am putting pollen and pepper in my nose so I can sneeze. I shall report results shortly.

    • Well better you than me… And why? Well, because if it worked, enlarged breasts just wouldn’t be a good look on me, and if I was soaking my pantyhose in vinegar in a bag, people would have good reason to call ME a douche bag. Enough said. Except to add that most penis enlargement products when independently tested, report results shortly.

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