Worst Date Ever

One of my favorite bloggers here has been writing about some of her worst dates, but in a delightfully amusing way, even though her stories are the stuff of dating nightmares for women. You can read her experiences here: Dating disasters – Episode I  And don’t miss Dating disasters – Episode II and Dating disasters – Episode III because they are also horrifying in a funny and amusing way as well, and you should collect the entire set.

But for the sake of balance, I thought that today I would write about my all time worst date, from a man’s perspective.

I was 19 at the time, and she was 17 but looked like she was 22. She had shoulder length dirty blonde hair, and her face wasn’t beautiful but not unattractive. She was large breasted and full figured, but not overweight and blessed with some very hotly feminine curves. One of her most striking features was her hazel-green eyes. Her eyes had this cat like quality and an almost supernatural glow. When she looked at me and smiled, she looked enchantingly sexy, but also somewhat dangerous. She reminded me of cliff climbing… It would be an intense rush to get to the top, but I sensed that she was treacherous, and if you fell, it was certain disaster.

We met at a party held by mutual friends. The party was boring. Not the right mix of people, not the right level of chemistry and energy, and the kind of gathering that you wanted to leave as soon as you had an excuse. But then she and I sat down together and chatted for almost an hour. We both soon knew that there was a certain sexual tension between us, and she whispered to me that if I really liked her, that I would get her away from this place, and we could go somewhere “more exciting…”

So we both left without a word to anyone, and I drove her off in my white ’72 Cutlass Supreme. But whatever ideas that she inspired in me about her and I together that night, were soon disappointed when she told me that she was tired, and she just wanted to go home. I did ask her if going home was somewhere “more exciting”, but she replied that she had changed her mind and wanted to call it a night. I was feeling somewhat frustrated, but shrugged it off as no big deal, and asked her if I could call her. She smiled and quickly gave me her phone number, before closing her front door and leaving me alone outside on her steps.

I waited a couple days and then called her to ask her out for the next Friday night. She said yes, and we had a date. It turned out to be one that I’ll never forget. I took her to a Rock n’ Roll club in Boston where the bands play it hard, and this night the band was exceptional and they were on fire, their jamming creating a fever pitch of chaotic excitement. She and I were having a great time together, and anything seemed possible!

Be careful what you wish for…

We were both feeling really good, and glowing in the pleasure of each other’s presence. Our night was only getting better and the possibilities seemed unlimited… the way you feel when you are inspired and wildly alive in the moment, and right now is all that matters.

Then, she had an idea… She challenged me to a drinking contest. She boasted that she knew she could “drink me under the table”. And then she looked me seductively in the eye, with her green cat like eyes glowing, and said that the winner of our drinking contest could ask anything of the loser… and the loser would have to do anything that the winner asked for…

Of course I just couldn’t resist an offer like this! I was quite confident that I would win our drinking contest, and I just loved her description of the “terms of victory”. So we chose our poisons… We were to match each other round for round, until one of us couldn’t drink anymore and gave up. She went for White Russians. I chose Scotch & Soda.

After the eighth round, she surrendered, telling me there was no way that she could drink anymore and that I had won! Feeling triumphant and excited, I suggested that we leave the club and go “someplace more exciting” since my wish was now her command. She smiled and answered that she just needed to make a quick trip to the ladies room, and then we’d go…

This is when everything turned to shit. Being very drunk myself, I had no idea just how really drunk she was, and what she was capable of doing in that condition. When it seemed like she was taking too long to come back to our table, I went looking for her… and found her sitting with another guy, and wrapping herself all over him! I was furious and I told “other guy” that she was my date, and that if he didn’t get lost, things could get real bad for him. But in less than the minute that “other guy” and I exchanged threats, she took off and disappeared again!

I searched all over the club trying to find her, without success. So I went outside… Almost as soon as I got outside the doors of the club, I found her immediately. She was standing on the sidewalk… and wrapped tightly in the embrace and deep kiss of another man. Not the same guy from before, but now another guy! I yanked her away from this guy, and yelled at her that it was time to go home! She glared back at me in a drunken stupor and yelled that I had no right to tell her when to go home, or who to go home with!

Our drinking contest had created a monster, and she was totally out of control! In a combination of jealous anger and genuine concern for her well being, I physically dragged her to my car nearby and threw her inside! She immediately launched into a drunken tirade about how I was depriving her of her rights as a woman to change her mind and choose whatever man she wanted to be with! I fired back that she had originally come to the club with me, spent almost the entire evening with me, and now she was acting like a cheap whore who was so drunk that she wouldn’t care if she got gang banged on the sidewalk in front of a crowd!

She objected with a stream of profanity about me, and how I had no right to call her a whore, and that I really had no right to force her into my car and drive off with her! She kept demanding that I stop and let her out, so she could walk home! “Home” was eight miles away on dark roads at night, and there was no way that I was gonna let her walk eight miles home, when she was drunk out of her mind, and easy prey for any sexual predator who saw her. She could hardly walk anyway, since she was so drunk.

But driving her home was a real adventure. She was totally out of control, and I knew that if I stopped anywhere, that she would jump out of the car and take off, and God only knew what would happen to her out there. I was very drunk myself and still furious that she had humiliated me by throwing herself at any guy she saw! But I was also genuinely concerned about her well being, and I was determined to get her home safely. (yes, I know that I shouldn’t have been driving drunk, but I was 19, and it’s been many, many years since the last time I drove a car while not sober.)

But it was almost impossible to keep her in the car! The route I was driving had numerous intersections and I ran every red light we came to. I knew that if I stopped for a red light, that she would bolt out of the car. All these years later, now I know that I should have let her take off, and let her take her chances with being alone in the city at night, and drunk out of her skull. But I didn’t do that, and with me driving drunk and running red lights, thank God there were no accidents.

In a drunken rage, she tried to stick a lit cigarette into my right eye! But I was lucky enough to knock it away while not losing control of my car.

Finally, I got her home… As soon I stopped in front of her apartment to let her out of the car, her whole attitude changed. She began to cry and apologized repeatedly for being such an “awful bitch” to me, and she was racked with sobbing while begging me to forgive her. She insisted that I come inside with her, and yes, I was enough of a fool to follow her. Once inside her apartment, she suddenly acted as if I was the sexiest man alive, and she just couldn’t wait to get me in bed!

I wasn’t about to object, and everything would have been fine, except that back at the club while I had been trying to find her, she had given her address to a bartender, and told him to come over after he was off from work. So suddenly, while she and I were in her bedroom and engaged in some intense foreplay, he was knocking on the door repeatedly, and then coming through it, because we had left the door unlocked.

I jumped out of bed and met him in the hallway, and explained to the bartender that it was all a very big mistake! That she was very drunk and that she had no idea of what she’d said or done with any man that night. He was a very reasonable guy, so he backed off and left…

There were no further disturbances or interruptions for the rest of the night, and I spent the night in her bed.

But we were never together again after that night. A couple days later, she tried to convince me that she would never have been so awful to me, if she hadn’t been drunk out of her mind that night. But now that I was sober, I knew that she was probably out of her mind, either while drunk or sober. I sensed that her true personality was in play that night, and that she had no sense of loyalty to anyone. I knew that she wasn’t worth it, and that was the end of it…

 

About Chris Sheridan

I’m a 56 year old guy who is young (and immature) at heart, and I love humor and laughter. Married for 22 years, but still enjoy all the glories of womanhood everywhere, even while dedicated to one woman only - and I hope my wife never finds out about her!
This entry was posted in Humor, Personal and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

13 Responses to Worst Date Ever

  1. Gosh. The one that got away.

    • I know! I just can’t even begin to imagine how different my life could have been, if only I’d hung in there and stayed with her! (I probably would have ended up hanging somewhere) Lol

  2. The carp that got away is more like it. Actually, I would have just left without saying a word if I found my date making out with someone else. There’s more carp in the sea…

    • Which proves what I already knew, which is that you are much smarter than me. And you’re really much smarter than the 19 year old version of me! Lol

      • No, it proves you are a gentleman (with a few hopes of some fun later), and I can be a big bitch… :)

        • A gentleman? ME??? As my old buddy Groucho Marx used to say, “I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.” But the hopes of some fun later definitely rings true. Now concerning you, well this is America, and you are innocent until proven big and bitchy! So until further notice I refuse to believe that you resemble your remark, but instead you are quite remarkable – like one of those white boards that you can wipe the remarks off of, and remark on again later.

      • Oh, when the moment calls for it, my tongue is not shy (now…. I know what you’re thinking….). I tell it like it is when it is necessary – or I walk away if it’ll only get me into trouble.

        • I was actually thinking of a giant cat lapping at a saucer full of milk – which is what happens when I reread my own posts too much! Lol ;-) And YOU are a wise woman. Everybody knows the story of The Three Wise Men, but have you heard about The Three Wise Women? None of them wanted to marry me! ;-)

      • Oh I will disagree with that! Even though you do have a very fond appreciation for the opposite sex, you are obviously very in love with and devoted to your wife. That is hard to find today.

        • You already know me too well! Yes, I must confess it’s true… I’m one of those “in the closet” in love with and devoted to my wife guys! I could NEVER win the Republican primary in South Carolina! LOL

      • Ha! Isn’t that the truth! I’m sorry, but there is not one GOP candidate that has a snowballs chance in hell of winning. And it has nothing to do with going up against Obama. They could be running against Mickey Mouse. They pretty much just all suck.

  3. oh dear lord ..

    You did a very admirable thing, I’d have left her there to get gang banged!
    Gosh I’m horrid *grins*

    And thank you for the pingback *mwah*

    • You are most welcome for the pingback, and *mwah* to you too!
      I suppose that I did an admirable thing by fighting to keep her safe, after she’d been so awful to me, but before I seem too virtuous (which I know I won’t) I was also motivated to collect on a bet with her that I had won fair and square, and I wasn’t going to let her run away from it so easily.

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