Ball Room Dancing Disaster!!!

Once again today, another one of my favorite bloggers, Sheena, on her blog Facehookin’ wrote a hilarious as well as educational post called Facts About The Penes Sheena is one of the very first bloggers I followed early last December, when I first started blogging on WordPress. While Sheena is a sarcastically funny and very original writer of humor, who has been making me laugh for over seven months now, she’s also got range and her more serious posts make for some very riveting reading as well.

When I read Sheena’s post for today, which she begins with the subject of Diphallia, a very rare medical condition that results in a male being born with not one, but two penises, I couldn’t resist dredging up a certain memory of mine, from when I was 13 years old and in 8th grade while in Junior High School.

Here is my comment on Sheena’s post, and Sheena, I hope that you’ll find it in your heart to forgive me. I also hope that the rest of my readers here, especially the women, since I know the guys won’t have a problem with it, will also forgive me for taking my comment and turning it into a post, since this may be an ill advised and massive over-share on my part.

But since when has that ever stopped me before?

So here goes!

I feel very fortunate to say that the closest I ever came to “penile duplication” was when in 8th grade, they forced the boys and girls gym classes to combine, in order to teach us “Ballroom Dancing” together.

Knowing all too well at the time, I had an unpredictable member that would often rise to the occasion in public and at the worst possible time, I tried to prepare in advance for an unwanted appearance of that all too obvious diagonal and upward bulge in the left side of my pants.

And how did I prepare? By bringing along a roll of quarters in my back pocket, that I could quickly move into my right front pocket, so if one eyed willie got obvious by making me look unbalanced on my left side, I could use the roll of quarters on my right side, and then at least I’d look symmetrical, and my true condition would look less obvious. Or so I thought…

But on “Ball Room Dancing” day in the gym, my plan turned into a humiliating disaster when I actually tried it. When the girl who was to be my dancing partner approached me close enough to see, her eyes instantly grew wide as she screamed “OH MY GAWD! HE’S GOT TWO OF ‘EM!!!” and she ran screaming away in terror!

The next 4-1/2 years of high school were very hard for me, and there’s still some people laughing even to this day, whenever they remember my hilarious for them, but humiliating for me, “Ball Room Dancing” day disaster! :-(

 

 

There have been times in my life when I’ve thought that the message here, has been my life’s true purpose…

 

About Chris Sheridan

I’m a 56 year old guy who is young (and immature) at heart, and I love humor and laughter. Married for 22 years, but still enjoy all the glories of womanhood everywhere, even while dedicated to one woman only - and I hope my wife never finds out about her!
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30 Responses to Ball Room Dancing Disaster!!!

  1. speaker7 says:

    And here I thought something like that would elevate your high school status.

    • Well, you might think that, but MY appearance of “double elevation” was disastrous for my high school status! Lol

      Thanks for reading and thanks for commenting! :-)

  2. alundeberg says:

    Many things work so well in theory… what a hilarious story! I’m so glad I’m a girl.

    • Yes, it’s true… what looked good on paper, ended up looking terrible on me! But I’m glad that you could enjoy the humor in my story, and after reading what happened to me, I’m not surprised that you’re so glad to be a girl! Lol ;-)

      Thanks for reading and commenting! :-)

  3. Sheena says:

    I was going to suggest you blog this story and you did it. Synchronicity of elite minds! That was a proclamation in nerd form. I am delighted when I inspire people! Yay! Great post and thank you, one of my first followers!

    • Well if inspiring people delights you, then you have good reason to be delighted, because without your inspiration I would have never written this one. Synchronicity of elite minds, and a joint effort. Or in this case, a double jointed effort… Lol ;-)

      Thanks for your inspiration, thanks for enjoying my comment on your blog that’s now a post here on mine, and thanks for my nerd proclamation! After all the abuse I took for my double boner look back then, this is just so much better now! :-)

  4. Well they say a plan never fails on paper! But such ingenuity at the tender hormonal age of 13 has to be applauded. Do I dare ask how you went about getting that roll of quarters?

    • Well then I wish that YOU were my dance partner that day, because it would have been so much better if you had been there clapping for me, instead of that other reaction I got, which just wasn’t good at all!

      Sure you can ask, cause it’s not like I robbed a bank to get it, being only 13 at the time. Lol :-)

      As I recall, the roll of quarters came from the top of Dad’s dresser, since he used them for highway tolls, and I just borrowed it, with every intention of returning it after school. I don’t think he ever missed it, but I ended up wishing I never saw that roll of quarters, because I would have been much better off without it. Sigh!

      • Flattery will get you a roll of quarters every time :). Actually twenty cent pieces because we don’t have quarters. And thank you, I don’t mind a dance or two.

        Meh, I could tell you about the disaster that was my 11 year old school dance dress. You guys think you face all the difficult (or should that be hard) issues.

        • Well then you’re a girl after my own heart, because as I’ve often said before, and will now say again, flattery will get you everywhere with me! :-) But now I do have my limits, so I’ll give you ONLY one month to flatter me… and then I’ll renew your subscription! Lol ;-)

          My flattery of you will get me a roll of quarters? (or twenty cent pieces?) Well, I was 13 yrs old a long time ago, so now it would be more like a roll of silver dollars – due to the growth of inflation since then. Lol ;-) Do I still get those two dances? Or are you now reconsidering? Perhaps I can reassure you that I now have far better control of my currency. (thank God!) Lol :-) Even if you are 5′ 10″ in heels, and although you mentioned this very briefly in one of your posts, and in no way directed towards me, I’ll still never forget it. Not only are you an Aussie woman, but you’re also a tall one. Sigh…

          I have no doubt that your 11 year old school dance dress disaster was traumatic, and I know that us guys didn’t face all the difficult (or hard) issues, since you gals had to deal with our hard issues too, while using good judgment and caution! Lol :-)

  5. GOF says:

    Where would the world be without innovators…..even if the invention sometimes isn’t worth the money spent on it.

    • Excellent point GOF! But this “invention” of mine, back when I was in the trials of 13 year old adolescence, didn’t involve a loss of money, but a catastrophic loss of my dignity! Lol

  6. Ankur Mithal says:

    Ha ha!! Very funny story. Looks like men (and boys) expect women (and girls) to be, well, unaware. Not this girl. She knew there shd have been only one in there.

    • No, this girl was not unaware at all! In fact, she was SO aware, that her screaming caused EVERYONE else to be aware, and as a result, my humiliation was not only widespread, but lasted for years after! (oh, the horror…) But at least I’m laughing now.

      Thanks for reading and enjoying, and thanks for your comments! :-)

  7. susielindau says:

    A roll of quarters to even it out? Too funny!

    • If only I had first tested my idea by using a full length mirror… Maybe then I would have noticed that I was NOT evened out at all, but I looked very frightening and unnatural – and most of all, to 13 year old girls who were having enough trouble adjusting to the thought of one gun in a guy’s holster, never mind two of them on either side! It’s no wonder that poor girl freaked out the way that she did!

      Thanks for reading and commenting, Susie! :-)

  8. OH.. MY… GOD!!!! That is hilarious!!!! Only you, Chris. Only you. You NEVER cease to amaze me with some of things that have happened or you have done in your life.

    • “OH.. MY… GOD!!!!” she exclaims. Yeah, I get that a lot, but I never get tired of hearing it, so thanks! Lol ;-) And it’s so much better than the reaction I got back when I was 13, and I looked like I was packin’ double barrels! LOL :-)

  9. That’s hilarious. A boyfriend of mine told me his mates quietly advised him to wear tight pants, and he never had any trouble since. A boss used to say ‘happy as a dog with two dicks’ – but clearly that didn’t work so well for you, huh!

    • Well, it seems a lot more hilarious now, than it was at the time, which was more like horrifying! Lol – And those pants must have been REALLY tight; as in so tight that they restricted almost all of the blood flow “south of the border.” Lol

      Dogs can also lick their balls in public, and people are seldom bothered by it. Sometimes I wish that I was a dog… and sometimes I’ve been CALLED a dog, but that’s an entirely different story! Lol ;-)

  10. Elyse says:

    What amazes me is that a girl in those days would even notice. Me, I was oblivious. And if I had noticed and if I had then understood, I would have died before saying anything to anyone.

    • Well, I sure as hell wish that SHE hadn’t noticed, and I wish that instead of her, I got a more oblivious 13 yr old girl like you, Elyse! (said with affection and respect, of course. lol) :-)

  11. Elyse says:

    Of course. And of course I am still oblivious in some respects!

    • Yes, of course you are still oblivious in some respects, Elyse. But now, as a woman of experience, you are selectively oblivious… This helps you to not KILL the man that you love, during those times when he’s being hard to love. At least, that’s what MY wife would say… LOL

      • Elyse says:

        Who says I am not, in fact, the Black Widow?

        Cue the evil laughter …

        • Well if you are as successful as Theresa Russell was, in the 1987 movie “Black Widow”, then I am very impressed! I am also very glad that we never met, because I’d have been dead long ago! Lol ;-) Oh wait… she only married and killed millionaires to inherit their money, so I guess I’m safe after all. Very safe, in fact… ;-)

  12. Pingback: Feeling Left Behind and Out in the Cold? This One’s for You. | Word Play

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