A Very Temporary Reprieve

Yeah, I know what you’re thinking… I can almost hear it spoken out loud. You’re thinking ‘He said he was going away from WordPress until September for the sake of his wife, and he couldn’t even last one day!’ 

Well, let me explain… And now you’re thinking ‘Yeah, right. They always have some lame ass attempted explanation, and one that holds water about as well as a pasta strainer’

Well you can go ahead and think like that all you want, but just listen to my explanation, or in this case, read it, and do all the eye rolling you want to, but soon you’ll see that I DO have a valid explanation, and it’s even true! Lol ;-)

As I mentioned yesterday, for my wife and I, today is a very special day, because it is our 22nd Anniversary of the day we got married. I love this annual occasion – I really do. For me, it’s better than Christmas, New Years Eve, my birthday, Halloween, and a great day of tropical scuba diving all rolled into one. For me, our Wedding Anniversary is really better than all that.

So I go all out to celebrate it, and I really pull out all the stops. And with a focus on what I know that my wife will really love. Because when she really loves what I do for her, well I just really love it too.

So I got up very early this morning, in spite of going to bed very late, and I cleaned the kitchen until every square inch of it was spotless and shining. Everything without exception – I swept, scrubbed and washed the floor, cleaned the oven inside and out, wiped clean all the cabinets, counter tops,  the walls, both the floor and door moldings, cleaned the microwave inside and out – Hey, I even cleaned both sides of the kitchen casement window, inside and out; just so I could say that I’m a guy who does do windows. (doing “Window Pane” in the 1970s was much more fun, but that’s another story for another time.)

And after I had made our kitchen Mr Clean, Good Housekeeping Life Achievement Award, Spic & Span spotless, I went on to do the same thing to both bathrooms, and yes, I scrubbed the toilets, because I am a MAN – and I am unafraid of toilets!

Then it was on to dusting and polishing the furniture, and that’s where my cleaning campaign stopped, because I was too close to the time I knew my wife would be waking up. But later, there WILL be vacuuming! Because my wife likes to watch me vacuum -It gives her a certain special feeling… while she watches her minimally dressed man vacuuming, and putting ALL of his everything into vacuuming, and vacuuming for her eyes only.

My special vacuuming attire, worn for the enjoyment of my wife, while she watches me vacuum.

So since I knew that my wife would soon be awakening, and within half an hour, I made her breakfast to be enjoyed in bed.

Actual photo of my wife’s breakfast in bed this morning.

But before that, I made sure that the flowers I had bought yesterday and hidden down in our basement, were now upstairs on a table, where she would find them a little later.

She was delighted with her breakfast in bed, as well as a love poem I wrote for her, but for a change, I won’t be posting the poem here. It is deeply personal and very erotic, but written with class and subtlety, and in the style that I know she loves. But more important, it was a sincere and deeply heartfelt expression of my love for her… and she loved it.

Then I gave her this Opal pendant in a gold setting on a gold chain.

It’s one of the most beautiful and large Black opals I’ve ever seen, with it’s amazingly bright and vivid colors of opalescence. The price was dear, but after 22 years of marriage, my wife is more dear to me than ever, and I just had to give it to her. She was astounded and deeply moved, and she said it’s the most beautiful piece of jewelry she’s ever been given.

And then we made love… and I won’t go into detail, except to say that aside from the knowledge that comes with years of experience, the way to make love to a woman, that results in a truly transcendental and unforgettable experience for her, is for a man to put all his heart and soul into making her truly believe that she is the most beautiful, most desirable, and incredibly sexy woman in all the world – while she is in your arms, and she can see all that reflected in your eyes so convincingly, that she becomes all that and more; within her own self perception.

She was shocked and delighted when she walked into the totally clean spotless and shining kitchen, and even more so, when she realized I had also cleaned both bathrooms. And her eyes welled up with tears when she saw the flowers, drawing in her breath deeply and then sighing, then exclaiming “Chris, they’re just beautiful!” as she was overcome with crying, when the intensity of her feelings rose up from deep within her, and flooded over.

But then the reality of work and deadline pressure intruded, and our 22nd Anniversary celebration had to be put on hold. She works as a photo editor for a company in Maine, so she works three days from home online, and two days at the home office in Maine. Today has been an important day for her, to finish a major project, and she had to get to it right away so it would be finished by the end of today.

But I was at loose ends… because while yes I have a job too, and one that pays well, the schedule for the days, nights, and hours I work, changes on a daily basis, and today I’m not scheduled to work at all. What do I do for a living? Well, I could lose my job just for telling you, since publicly revealing what I do, and who I do it for, is strictly confidential. All I will say, is that my work involves security, and on an advanced level.

And since I had promised my wife yesterday that I was taking a break from WordPress until after Labor Day in September, I was really at loose ends, because now I couldn’t play on WordPress. I thought about going to the gym, but after not getting enough sleep last night, and then doing all that cleaning early this morning, I was too tired for a workout at the gym.

But I was still feeling somewhat hyperactive, in spite of being tired, so without really meaning to, I began to become a pest to my wife while she was trying to work in her home office and get that all important project done. I kept bouncing into her home office with various versions of “Hey Jean, remember when…”

Like “Hey Jean, remember when we were on that dive boat off the Florida Keys, and there was that guy who was still drunk from the night before, and playing with his spear gun while pointing it in all directions? What an idiot! The dive crew had to take away his spear gun, and then, remember how spooked his poor wife looked, and how one of the women members of the dive boat crew sat down next to her and said ‘You know, you don’t have to dive with him – let us handle it. We’ll take care of him for you, and you’ll be safe…’

Jean: “Yes, Sweetheart, I remember all of that. Do you remember that I was there too?” I’d love to go on a nostalgia trip with you, Chris, and maybe later, but right now I really need to get this project done.”

But it was like I couldn’t help myself… and I couldn’t resist various ways of interrupting my wife with some funny story or shared experience from our past while she was trying to work, and each time, while struggling to hold onto her gentle nature and be patient with me, she would tell me to stop interrupting her while she was trying to work.

Finally, after I ran in and blurted out “Hey Jean, remember that night I decided to crash the The Young Republicans Club at Harvard on “Karl Rove Appreciation Night” and I went right up to the front and grabbed the mike, and started doing all my favorite rips on Bush and Cheney?”

“Man, those guys got really pissed off! I kept telling them that ‘Hey! These are really funny jokes, and you guys should laugh at them! Just forget about politics for a change and just enjoy the humor, cause this is some really funny stuff! Like how the GOP put a fucking retard in the White House and thought he’d be a good president, when a chimpanzee could have done a better job!’”

“It’s a good thing that I knew about that exit for the fire escape and got away fast, cause those guys were gonna kill me! Hahahaha!!!”

My harried wife finally lost all her patience, and yelled “CHRIS!!! I NEED TO WORK, AND YOU NEED TO LEAVE ME ALONE!!! SO NOT ONE MORE WORD OUT OF YOU UNTIL I’M DONE!!!”

Then her expression looked pained, and she blurted out “Chris, I’m sorry! But I gotta get this thing done, and this just isn’t helping me at all.” Then her expression changed as though she just had some sort of revelation, and she said “Honey, why don’t you spend the rest of the day, on WordPress?”

I was instantly shocked, and started to say “But I thought that…” She cut me off before I could finish, and said “Just this once, until I get this project done, cause it will be the best way I know of to keep you occupied, until I can get this thing done.”

I looked at her with surprise, and asked “Are you really serious?” Jean was very quick to answer, “I am absolutely serious! If you really love me, then please get on WordPress and do it right now!”

So that’s what I’m doing here folks… But it’s just a temporary reprieve, and I really am taking a break from WordPress until September, just as soon as my wife finishes her project for work. I suppose I could have just left the house and gone somewhere, and yes, that’s what I should have done, now as I think about it. Maybe gone to a movie… I definitely could have handled this better.

I did offer to do all the vacuuming while Jean was working, but she didn’t like that idea at all. She almost yelled at me “You want to vacuum while I’m working?! Chris, you know that’s not how we do the vacuuming for our special occasions! And never on one like this; Never on our 22nd Anniversary! You’ll do that vacuuming while I’m watching you, Chris. You know that’s what I really want, and what on earth were you thinking?!”

LOL!!! :-D

 

About Chris Sheridan

I’m a 56 year old guy who is young (and immature) at heart, and I love humor and laughter. Married for 22 years, but still enjoy all the glories of womanhood everywhere, even while dedicated to one woman only - and I hope my wife never finds out about her!
This entry was posted in Humor, Personal and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

9 Responses to A Very Temporary Reprieve

  1. greatmartin says:

    1) Did you give her a medal for putting up with you all this time???
    2) I guess we will have to return all the gifts we got for your ‘going away’ party.

    • 1) No, but that is an excellent idea, because there is no doubt that she truly deserves one, and thanks for reminding me, because I might really get her one.

      2) As far as making all those returns, I’m sure it will be easy, and in fact, there will be nothing to it… Lol ;-)

      A word of advice for when I’m back here on WP regularly again in September, Martin. Keep doing what you did today, and keep “priming the pump” and you’ll get a much better “flow” here.

      I’ll never forget what a dynamic duo we often were together at that other place… It’s just too bad that we were almost completely surrounded by some of the very worst of fanatical and mindless assholes, and I just couldn’t stay there.

      It was literally having a seriously negative affect on my mental and emotional state of well being.

      But now you my friend, are not only a legend in your own mind, but you’re also one in my mind too! Lol ;-)

  2. My temporary reprieve is now over, and I seriously doubt there will be another one. See you all in September!

  3. whiteladyinthehood says:

    Happy Anniversary! You are a sweet heart! (I think your wife is lucky to have you) Enjoy your break from WP.

    • Thanks! Me a sweet heart? Well, sometimes yes, and other times no. But we ARE enjoying our break, and TY for wishing us a Happy Anniversary, and thanks for stopping by. :-)

  4. Wow, has anyone nominated you for the Perfect Husband award? You’ll get death threats from men whose wives/girlfriends read your blog and get ideas! Anyway, Mr Bond, I didn’t know you had a blog!

    • Well thanks very much Rose! :-) But Perfect Husband award??? You did read the part in my post here, where I bugged my wife into a state of distressed distraction while she was trying to work, right? Lol :-) Nope, never perfect, not me… But very, very good and quite often. Lol ;-)

      Lol @ Mr. Bond! :-) Believe me Rose, when I say that what I do, is not nearly that charismatic and exciting. But I DO have one advantage over Mr. Bond, and that is the fact that I’m real and he’s fictional… Sorry James, but the truth is the truth, even when painful. Lol

  5. Robert Browning says:

    Happy anniversary…..goodness knows how long you will be away from WP reaping the rewards of your good-husbandly deeds. :-)

  6. GOF says:

    Why does WP keep signing me out when I’m halfway through writing a comment….I know you’ll be disappointed it wasn’t Robert Browning commenting previously. :-)

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s