Mission Impossible – Or is It?

I’m trying to post from my mother’s PC… Getting my mother’s PC to do almost anything right, is like expecting a minor miracle.

And getting it to do three things right, all at the same time, is like expecting Gov. Rick Perry of Texas to remember all three things he’s trying to name during a debate! The odds are not good…

But since I’m stuck here with no other option, I’m going to try and do the impossible anyway. Because I’m stubborn, and probably stupidly stubborn. Anyway here goes:

 

ATT00037

This article must be about the literacy program for newspaper journalists and editors. But hey, the program is showing improvement! Just yesterday, they finally learned to spell Utah correctly!

 

ATT00040

I didn’t think that women called it that… and how can she do it with both hands up in the air? I’m confused.

 

ATT00043

And in other news, bugs walking around with legs are walking bugs. I guess wonders never cease. I also wonder how some people ever got jobs writing for newspapers.

 

ATT00046

Deal with it, puny little Republican white guys!!! Woody Allen was right when he said that “It’s men that really suffer from penis envy.” Except he didn’t add that penis envy is much worse for tiny pin prick dicked GOP white men!!!

 

ATT00049

And the nearest Boys’ schools are very excited!!!

 

ATT00052

Since this writer stumbled over the obstacle she wrote about, I guess she should know… Or maybe it was her editor. (This came from The Washington Post?!) Lol

 

ATT00061

Funny! :-) But kinda scary too, because this was a quote from a Republican state senator from Colorado Springs, who is a woman! I wonder if she’s related to Michele Bachmann?

 

ATT00073

Now this is truly surprising! Even shocking!!! I had no idea! Maybe they mean homicide victims questioned by police during seances.

 

ATT00079

Guess I’ll be drinking orange juice from now on…

 

ATT00070

And people in Sacramento had such high hopes when they had that unusually cold weather… What a shame!

ATT00067

Well at least they picked the people who are the most qualified to study this issue. But will they remember any of their conclusions?

 

ATT00088

Makes me glad that I don’t live in that city, and for more reasons than one! It’s very stinky and the people are stupid!

 

 

ATT00091

Since apparently the study was in Boston, it was probably done by The Archdiocese of Boston, and I’m sure The Pope is pleased, because you can never have too many Catholics! Lol ;-)

 

ATT00094

Well, I guess they won’t be getting everything out in the open then…

 

ATT00097

Hmm… I don’t remember that being one of the Miranda rights. “If you kill your attorney, you have a right to receive a new attorney.”

 

ATT00100

Did Donald Trump buy another beauty pageant???

 

ATT00103

Who would have ever guessed???

 

ATT00109

And then they took a bunch of blind people to see that movie “The Artist”.

 

ATT00112

And that must have really pissed off the administrators, because doctors aren’t cheap! Maybe they were advised it was a move they had to make, or else they’d have to resort to hiring lawyers!

 

ATT00115

Well he may be a slow learner… but at least he’s not in denial.

 

ATT00121

Hmm… must be the female nudists, who were not happy to see those towers. Maybe they were Lesbian female nudists…

 

ATT00127

Mark it down on your calendars everyone! And if you make a reservation in advance, you can get those velvet covered handcuffs, and a session in a BDSM themed interrogation room too. But call now, because space is limited!

 

ATT00130

Why am I not surprised?

 

ATT00145

One of the big pharmaceutical companies sponsored a scientific study that proved life is a dangerous disease, and they’ve come up with a new drug as a miracle cure! And it seems to be working too! “Ask your doctor if Fucidol is right for you. Fucidol – Giving us all hope that the disease of life can be eradicated within our lifetime.”

 

ATT00136

I suspect this wasn’t unintentional, but the work of a bored news writer who just couldn’t resist the temptation. “the device still holds up” huh? No premeditated mischief here! Yeah, right!

 

ATT00142

See previous comment. Cause sports writers are the worst offenders for this sort of thing.

 

ATT00139

The broadcast will be sponsored by the Barbershop Singers who performed for the deaf people.

***************************************

Now that was kinda fun! :-) Maybe I should get a Twitter account after all… Lol ;-)

 

About Chris Sheridan

I’m a 56 year old guy who is young (and immature) at heart, and I love humor and laughter. Married for 22 years, but still enjoy all the glories of womanhood everywhere, even while dedicated to one woman only - and I hope my wife never finds out about her!
This entry was posted in Humor and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

10 Responses to Mission Impossible – Or is It?

  1. cjknotts says:

    It kind of makes you wonder where these journalists received their education huh?..lol

    • Yeah, it does, doesn’t it? I’m guessing that a few of them received their education from one of those places with ads on the back of a match book. Lol ;-) Do they even do that anymore? I hardly ever see a match book anymore because I quit smoking in 1980 and I use kitchen matches for camping. Lol

  2. Elyse says:

    Hilarious headlines Chris. Thanks

  3. benzeknees says:

    This was fun Chris! You should do this more often.

    • Thanks Lynda! :-) I’m glad you enjoyed it, and I agree with you that I should do this sort of thing more often. It was fun and easy for me to write my brief comments, and a good reminder of how much I enjoy quipping one liners, often much more than I enjoy (?) writing 3.000 word posts! Lol :-)

  4. Teeny Bikini says:

    This was hysterical. It kept getting funnier and funnier as I read. Awesome stuff!

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