I Hate Raking Leaves! But I Love “Pairs Sex Racing”

I’m sitting here thinking about all the posts from my favorite bloggers I haven’t read yet, that are piling up faster than falling leaves in my backyard in Autumn. So why am I writing this post instead of catching up on reading and commenting on your posts? That’s an excellent question, and I do have an answer.

It’s because I hate raking leaves in Autumn, and I would rather do just about anything else than rake up leaves into big piles and bag them!

Wait a minute… falling leaves piling up in my backyard was only just an analogy I used, to describe how much the unread blog posts from my favorite bloggers have piled up. Your unread blog posts are not really fallen leaves in my backyard, so I don’t have to rake them and bag them up! I only need to read them, and not rake them!

I guess I was just confused, but now that I’ve got the tangled up fish line of neural pathways in my brain straightened out, this changes everything!

Now I can stop writing this post, and start reading and commenting on your posts! I’m so glad we got this issue resolved!!!

In fact, now that I know I don’t have to do any insufferably boring and mind numbing raking of leaves for what seems like forever, and all I need to do is catch up with reading and commenting on your posts… I’m so happy that I’m going to spend this entire week not posting, but reading and commenting instead, until I catch up on all of your unread posts!

Thank you all so much for not making me rake leaves, and I love all of you for it! Each and every one of you!!!

Thank you! Thank you!! Thank you!!!

Wow… I don’t think I’ve felt this so incredibly elated, since my girlfriend and I won that race back in 1975!

What race was that, you may wonder? Well I’ve got a couple pictures of that race, which I have kept and treasured for over 37 years now. So rather than trying to explain what kind of race it was, let me just show you the pictures of the race instead.

*************************************

*************************************

The 70s

Just before the start of the race. My girlfriend and I are the second team to the left of the first lane in the foreground.

The 70s2

She and I practiced every day, three times a day, for six weeks before the day of the race, and we were ready to give it our very best effort. We were so fast and far ahead, that the race wasn’t even close! We blew our competition away, leaving them with nothing but grass stained knees and butts to show for it.

Some of you may have never realized that sex can be an organized and highly competitive sport, since it’s highly unlikely you’ve ever seen this kind of sports competition at your local high school. Although colleges with fraternities could be another story… Those frat boys and the girls who party with them will do just about anything when they get really drunk!

I was part of an effort to make “Pairs Sex Racing” an Olympic sport, but the International Olympic Committee failed to see my vision, and that was their loss, as well as the loss of the entire world, when denied the thrilling excitement, the suspenseful drama, as well as the graceful beauty of “Pairs Sex Racing”.

Olympicspairs sex racing2

Fools! You could have made a fortune in television advertising revenue!!!

 

About Chris Sheridan

Iā€™m a 56 year old guy who is young (and immature) at heart, and I love humor and laughter. Married for 22 years, but still enjoy all the glories of womanhood everywhere, even while dedicated to one woman only - and I hope my wife never finds out about her!
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13 Responses to I Hate Raking Leaves! But I Love “Pairs Sex Racing”

  1. benzeknees says:

    Enjoy your reading & not raking!

  2. Teeny Bikini says:

    Yup, I totally 100% agree. I have like 5 billion trees that I didn’t notice when I brought the house. It takes me a month to bag or rake or pile or mulch the leaves. I tried a bazillion different ways to make this task more efficient. Then, last year the heavens opened my wallet and I hired “people” (something I thought I would never, ever do because I AM the cheapest person alive :) And now, I just can’t imagine ever raking leaves again… Good luck.

    • Well then thank heavens your wallet was miraculously opened, and these “people” were available to leave you without the heartbreak and horror of all those leaves to rake! My wife got kinda cranky this past weekend about me leaving all our leaves laying around, and asked me in a question that was more a demand, when I was going to get off my dead ass and rake them?!?!

      She was NOT amused when my answer was to sing to her, that “the answer my friend, is blowin’ in the wind…” even though I sang my answer on key, and with perfect pitch too! But she thought my singing answer was just me being a wise ass, which while partially true, it also was really the answer! Because the weather forecast predicted strong gusting winds, and I figured those winds would BE my answer, if they were blowin’ all my leaves in the wind, and then leaving all my leaves in our neighbor’s yard! He’s kind of a A-hole anyway, and he has a lawn service too, so it would be the idea solution, or it would have been, if only it had worked! But it didn’t…

      So now my wife is threatening to leave me, if the leaves don’t leave our yard by next weekend, and I’ll have to give this situation some serious thought as I decide what I’ll do, since it could go either way. How much do I REALLY love easily available sex? It’s been years since I’ve done a thorough evaluation of that question, and maybe now is the time to stop taking the same old answer for granted!

      My work is done here. In fact it’s WAY overdone, but hey, that’s me! Lol ;-)

  3. Chad Miller says:

    Reblogged this on The Man Pub and commented:
    Best race ever. I think it’s time to bring this to America. I am excited to create my training program. Anyone want to be my coach?

    • Thanks for the reblog Chad, and for being a MAN who understands and appreciates the true greatness of the sport of “Pairs Sex Racing”. I think almost all of the rest of my readers don’t quite get it, and they think that even commenting on it will get them a reputation as a fast woman. I suspect that many of them have nothing to worry about on that score, since in any type of racing, or certain other activities, you will never get a reputation as a winner, if you seldom do any training.
      Hey, if I were you, I’d ask Jillian Michaels to be my coach. She’s a woman with a reputation for staying in excellent physical condition, and for motivating women who have let themselves go, to get off their wide spreads, and regain their self esteem by doing the work needed to regain their shapes. She’s also really hot, and I’ve heard that she even has a sense of humor, when she’s not kicking butt to motivate other women to work hard enough to make their butts look much smaller.

    • Yeah! At least I think so… But 1975 was a long time ago, and there’s a lot that I’ve forgotten, like what really happened, and what I really imagined happening. But I’m gonna say that this experience was for real – that’s my story and I’m sticking to it, with the same determination that I used to stick to my teammate during the race, since a team would automatically be disqualified for “disengagement”. ;-)

  4. GOF says:

    Practising for that race must have been have been so tedious Chris. My Methodist Sunday School picnics never had races like this……I think I’ve led a life of deprivation.

    • Sorry for the very late reply here, GOF. Yes, it’s true that all the practicing for sex… er, I mean, SIX straight weeks, was sooo tedious, that it was enough to bore both my girlfriend and I to tears! (well, okay – sometimes tears of orgasmic ecstasy, but still tears all the same!) Methodist, huh? Perhaps you might want to consider becoming a Unitarian? (just kidding!) The great thing about being a Unitarian, is that back in Sunday School, we were taught to memorize “The Ten Helpful Suggestions” instead of “The Ten Commandments”, and I know that I found this to be a far less threatening approach. (just kidding again! lol)

      A life of deprivation? You, GOF??? I’m sorry, but I seriously doubt that, and this time, I am NOT kidding at all! ;-)

  5. What an interesting life you’ve had, Chris! I dunno though, I think that race would be much more interesting run underwater, in full diving gear.

    • The race that you describe, Rose, IS much more interesting, and I have the video to prove it! But… showing that particular video here, might push beyond the limits of patience here at WordPress, so I must refrain from posting it. Sorry! Lol ;-)

  6. crazybunny66 says:

    šŸ˜„šŸ‘šŸ˜‰

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