Why Upgrades Make My Blood Boil

This past weekend, when Yahoo Mail was repeatedly malfunctioning, I told a friend that I suspected the problem was the onset of “Upgrade-itis” a common illness that frequently makes healthy and well running software programs so sick that they become very dysfunctional, often to the point that these formerly useful software programs become unusable and useless.

Today confirmed that my diagnosis of Yahoo Mail is correct, since it has most definitely been upgraded, and Yahoo Mail is currently all but unusable and useless.

I will be using MSN Outlook Online for the foreseeable future. (formerly known as Hotmail – until it was hit with an upgrade so disastrously bad that MSN dropped the name “Hotmail” and changed it to Outlook Online)

In other Upgrade News, I had an interesting experience with Google Images last week.

A friend told me about a domestic but exotic breed of cat called a Savannah cat, so I used Google Images to find a photo of a Savannah cat, to see what the cat looked like.

The following e-mail message resulted.

“I just googled Savannah cats, and yeah, they are very cool looking and another breed that looks a lot like the wild Ocelot, with their Leopard like spots and slim long bodies.

Now THIS is weird… I just looked up Savannah Cats on Bing, and I’m seeing a very different looking cat than the one I just saw on Google…”

A Savannah cat on Google… (according to Google Images)

Savannah-Cat-Pictures
.

And a Savannah cat on Bing…

savannah-cat-pictures-3

Is there really that much variation within the same breed???

In a word, the correct answer to the above question is “NO”.

The photograph located by Bing is a Savannah cat. I don’t know what breed of cat that is, in the photograph located by Google Images, but I know it is NOT a Savannah cat.

Revision: About an hour after originally publishing this post, I searched Bing for images of Bengal cats, and here’s a screen shot of what I found:

bengal cat - bing

And here is the link for the website I took the screen shot from, that I was able to locate using Bing Images:

http://www.texasstarbengals.com/bengalkings.htm

The reason I took a another look, was that the same image of the cat on the green background that I found repeatedly on Google Images when I searched for a “savannah cat” never appeared on Bing images when I searched Bing for an image of a “savannah cat”.

So I tried searching Bing for a Bengal cat, which I had seen other photos of recently, and Bing found the same image that Google misidentified as a Savannah cat, and correctly identified it as an image of a Bengal cat. So score a win for Bing!

Then just for the fun of it, I searched Google Images for a Bengal Cat, and Google found the exact same image again, only this time correctly identified as a Bengal cat. So unlike Bing Images, which apparently knows more about cats, and also more about how to find images that accurately represent what is being searched for than Google does… according to Google Images, this cat pictured below is both a Savannah Cat and a Bengal cat.

Savannah-Cat-Pictures

Hey Google! This is a Bengal cat and NOT a Savannah cat! And with all the love and fascination for CATS on the internet, I’d say that’s one hell of an embarrassing mistake for you guys to make! Lol :-)

Until recently, I had been using Google exclusively as my only internet search engine for years, for written information, as well as videos and photographs.

But when Google upgraded its image search capability with a new “similar images” feature, which is not optional, but functions during any image search on Google, Google images became so consistently unreliable, that I began using Bing for image searches, and I got much better results.

The problem with Google’s recently new “similar images” feature, can be demonstrated by this example. When I used the search words “savannah cat” for Google Images a second time, the first image to appear was this one.

This is not a Savannah cat. It is an African Leopard.

Namibie_Etosha_Leopard_01edit

I strongly advise you to NOT get an African Leopard for your next house cat. They grow very large, they have very demanding dietary requirements, and they are NOT good with small children… Or children of any age, humans in general, or any of your other pets.

Why did Google Images show me an African Leopard when I wanted to see a Savannah cat?

When I traced the link from the photo of the Leopard back to its internet source, I discovered that the Leopard photo had been posted on a message board, by a person who wrote that he thinks Savannah cats look a lot like Leopards, because they both have spots.

Which makes as much sense as saying that a fire engine red Toyota Corolla looks a lot like a fire engine red Corvette because both cars are fire engine red…

But this erroneous non-logic resulted in Google images including an image of a large, wild and very predatory Leopard, instead of a much smaller and comparatively harmless breed of domestic cat, the Savannah cat.

I also got this photo from Google images while searching for a picture of a Savannah cat.

Cloudy
.

This is a Clouded Leopard, which is a wild endangered species that lives in the foothills of the Himalayan Mountains.

Why? Because someone who breeds both Bengal cats and Savannah cats, really likes Clouded Leopards, and they have more photos of Clouded Leopards on their website, than they do of their Bengal cats and Savannah cats…

What next, Google images? Will I search for Savannah cats and get a photo of Miley Cyrus wearing a Leopard skin coat and nothing underneath it, because she has a very bright future as a porn star???

This is why I used to think that Google was great, but now I use only Bing for image searches, because trying to get the right image from Google is like trying to get good information from someone with severe ADD, who when you ask them for a picture of a Savannah cat, they suddenly blurt out “Oh look! A squirrel!”

And then they show you a picture of a rabbit…

I am not against upgrades for the benefit of genuine progress, but what does make my blood boil, are the two following major chronic problems with upgrades:

1. Due to intense commercial market competition for the online users of software products, and the money generated by the online advertising linked to these software products, upgrades are often rushed into the stores and used online, before the upgrades have been thoroughly tested and before they are functional enough to be a reliable asset for users instead of a dysfunctional liability.

2. The collective cognitive failure of the software and high tech industry, and their most devoted legions of high tech enthusiasts to realize that a less complex and more user friendly product can be far more effective than a product designed to be unnecessarily complex and more difficult to use, for the sake of having ever more widgets and gadgets, and a greater capability to do more things… but with the frequent result of doing more things worse than before, when less things were being done far more effectively.

I’m sick to death of hearing “Oh, it’s gonna work great once they get the bugs out.”

And my answer is “Slow the HELL DOWN, and get the bugs out FIRST, before you force me to use your bug infested, upgraded into being functionally downgraded software and hardware crap!”

This is a picture of Tina Fey. As you can see in this photo Tina Fey is not nude, and Tina Fey is not naked, but I think this photo shows Tina Fey is sexy and Tina Fey is Hot.

tina-fey-vanity-fair-gorgeous

Photo credit: Vanity Fair via (the previous version of) Google Images.

What does Tina Fey have to do with my topic for this post? That’s for me to know, and others to wonder. Let’s just say that she’s a “gift” from me to Yahoo Mail to show my sincere appreciation for all the aggravation that the Yahoo Mail upgrade caused me earlier today.

Because I’ve learned a thing or two about increasing page views, and I don’t just get mad… I also get even.

 

About Chris Sheridan

I’m a 56 year old guy who is young (and immature) at heart, and I love humor and laughter. Married for 22 years, but still enjoy all the glories of womanhood everywhere, even while dedicated to one woman only - and I hope my wife never finds out about her!
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20 Responses to Why Upgrades Make My Blood Boil

  1. Elyse says:

    While I agree with you about the upgrades, particularly Yahoo mail, I find it very odd that when our country is going to hell in a Tea Pot, you are ranting about other things. I guess I should find it a refreshing change.

    BUT — I must say, Chris, you’ve given me an opportunity to tell a story that rarely fits the conversation..

    You see, when I was a kid growing up in a very ritzy part of Connecticut, someone in nearby Southport drove a red convertible. It was not unusual to see the car parked with a leopard sitting in the passenger seat. Rich people are different from the rest of us. And I’m presuming that they don’t taste as good either.

    • You’re probably wondering why I’m replying (again) to your comment over a month later, Elyse. But you’re probably also considering the source as well, and you probably stopped wasting your brain energy wondering about me a long time ago, because why would you waste your brain power on trying to explain the inexplicable? I sure don’t, and everyone knows that about me too!

      Why would I ever try to explain my own inexplicable state of being, when it’s really my role to create, promote, and share the inexplicable with others who are far less confused than me? And as long as I never forget that, I will always be inexplicably grateful…

      I still think that your leopard sitting in a red convertible in a very ritzy part of CT is a cool story Elyse, and although rich people might not taste good to leopards, they could still make excellent scratching posts for the big and sharp clawed African cats, if properly trained while they are young. I’ll e-mail this idea to MoveOn.org and let them run with it…

  2. Tina Fey is a Savannah Cat, right? I’ve always thought Bing was crap, but now I know better! Thank you! And I also thought those yahoo hiccups were because of my internet provider slash computer. NOT so! You’ve made my day.

    • Actually Tina Fey is a Savannah Cat AND a Bengal Cat, and also Sarah Palin’s husband Todd, according to Google Images.

      I’m always glad to be able to make your day, even though I didn’t know I did that back in late October, and maybe I should start reading my own blog again instead of just shirking my responsibilities and letting other people read it for me!

      Writing another post might be a good idea too, but maybe I should do a WordPress poll first, to get the majority opinion on that particular issue, since during my absence, eye strain from reading excessive verbiage dropped by 54 percent for the English language reading world population, and people may not want that problem to return. I guess we’ll all see about that… if we all see too much again, myself included! ;-)

      You’re welcome Rose! And thanks for thanking me! And who cares if it’s redundant?! Surely not me, because if there was a God of Written Redundancy… that Redundantly Redundant God would be ME!

  3. Michelle says:

    This comment has nothing to do with your post…. :)
    Guess what I’m going to do? Take scuba lessons and headed to Grenada Jan 1-9 to go scuba diving! Just me. Purchased what I think is a decent package at one of the local dive shops that has great reviews, as does the resort the package includes. I can’t wait!!!

    • Hiya Michelle! :-) You’re taking scuba lessons and going to Grenada to go scuba diving, and you’ll be arriving in Grenada on New Years Day 2014? Wow Michelle! You really know how to start the first day of a new year in a really great way, and I’m genuinely impressed!

      Many people will spend their 1st day of 2014 as suffering bastards and bastardettes, suffering from their vicious hangovers… But you’ll be in a Caribbean paradise, and ready to start an amazing tropical diving adventure, and I am very happy for you! :-)

      Ronald Reagan was so impressed with Grenada back when he was POTUS in the 1980s, that he launched a US military invasion of this mighty and formerly terrible tiny Caribbean island nation that had become a dangerous threat to US national security after it became heavily infested with Cubans. I think that Ronnie confused Grenada with Cuba and when he realized that Cuba was heavily infested with Cubans, he had to act! Which never got Reagan past B movie actor status in Hollywood, and that probably explains a lot about the Reagan years.

      But I shouldn’t go trashing the guy, because forget about all that hype about Ronnie winning the Cold War! That was NOTHING! Nothing at all, compared to Reagan’s finest hour when he liberated Grenada for you to go scuba diving there 30 years later, Michelle! :-)

      Why I’m getting a Nitrogen Narcosis contact high right now, just thinking about you tropical diving in the Caribbean, Michelle, and please don’t forget to post your Hot Bikini on the beach pics on your blog! Because I’ll be counting down the days while waiting for those pics, starting RIGHT NOW!

      Think I’m kidding? Well then think again Michelle… because here goes! “ONE!”
      And only 45 days left to go! I know that I’m already psyched, and I know that you are too, Michelle! ;-)

      • Michelle says:

        Oh, I gave up bikinis 20 lbs ago. But I’m still flattered nonetheless. I am very self-conscious now as I did have a great body in my younger years, so sticking to one-piece suits now.

        • You should feel flattered, and a one piece suit would be just fine with me, Michelle. ;-) But I’m just playing around, and if you’d rather not be a beach babe pin up girl online, I do understand.

      • Michelle says:

        Yeah, got my fins, mask and snorkel the other day. Class starts on Dec 4. Then the weekend of Dec 14-15 we do our open water dives – luckily there is an artisan well about 90 miles east of here and the water is 64 year around. I guess it’s a “hot” spot for winter diving. So I’ll be able to get my cert before I leave.

        The guy at the shop was very nice, but really recommends that I buy all the gear I can except the tank. I understand one feels better diving with their own gear, but I don’t know if I’ll ever go diving again after this. So I cannot justify another grand on a regulator, BCD, computer and everything else – and then only use it once. So i’m just going to have to do the rental gear in Grenada (except fins/mask/snorkel – I’ll take mine – that’s something I’m sure I’ll get use out of several times after this trip). Looking very forward to the trip. Got a pkg with 6 dives so I have plenty of time to cruise the island, go to the rainforest, and really want to see the wild monkeys.

        I have a GoPro camera so there will be underwater footage and photos, too. Oh, I’ll be posting. Taking my old laptop (it’s a Unix/Ubuntu system) so I can upload to my dropbox while there. So I’m sure I’ll post a few photos every once in a while. (hotel has comp internet – probably slow as molasses, but internet nonetheless). Very excited! I’ve not traveled abroad other then going over the border into Mexico to shop, and some short trips in Canada – but Canada is not really traveling abroad.

        You do keep popping in my mind, though, as you’re the only scuba diver that I know. At least someone who is very passionate about diving.

        • Michelle, you are gonna LOVE tropical scuba diving! The beauty and wonder of the actual experience is almost impossible to describe with just written words.

          I’m glad that you will be in a thorough scuba diver training class to get your certification, instead of just getting a “resort certification” from the dive outfit you’ll be diving with, because “resort training” is far too brief and dangerously short on the vitally important training that all divers need to dive safely.

          You may already know this, or you’ll learn about it during your dive training, but just to give you an advance warning, 64 F water temperature is bone chillingly COLD!!! Because our bodies lose body heat in water many times faster than in the same degree reading for air temperature. But I’m sure that you’ll be okay in a 4 mil neoprene wetsuit, which after you get over the very brief initial shock of that cold water flooding into it, will warm up adequately in the thin layer of water between your skin and the insulation of your wetsuit, and you’ll be fine.

          As far as purchasing dive gear, you’ve got the right idea. No need to spend all that money on dive gear when you don’t know if you’ll be diving much in the future.

          Michelle, I’ll catch you later… Our house seems to be like Grand Central Station today, and I have some advice about rental dive gear to share with you…

          But congrats again on your only 44 days away TROPICAL DIVE VACATION!!! :-)

  4. To Michelle: I screwed up my metric conversion of 1/4″ to 4 mil, which is really more like 8 mil, which is what you have already tried on. (Silly American! lol) All I can say, is that beauty must be in the eye of the beholder, and we are all our own worst critics when looking in a full length mirror, because I have always thought that most female divers look hot in 1/4″ (8 mil) wet suits, and especially black wet suits… (No, I am not into rubber – But I am into neoprene!) But enough on that. Lol :-)

    Hang in there Michelle… your certification dive may be the only dive that you’ll ever wear an 8 mil wetsuit for, because when you go diving in the warm and wonderfully clear waters off Grenada, all you’ll probably need to wear is a “dive skin” which is far more like a leotard than a wetsuit.

    All I wanted to add about rental gear, is that it’s a good idea to be extra careful about rental regulators. Most of the time, there won’t be a problem. But it’s still wise to put your rental regulator on your tank, turn on the air, and hold the regulator close to your ear, to listen for the sound of any air “free flowing” from the regulator. It’s much better to do this check before you even board the dive boat, than to find out after you get underwater, that your rental regulator is free flowing air in a steady stream of bubbles, without you exhaling from it.

    This can be a problem that ranges from a minor annoyance, to a more serious problem if the rental regulator is free flowing a lot of air, and you may have to surface and end your dive soon after you just got underwater. The dive boat may have a spare regulator on board, or it may not… So it’s good to know ahead of time, that your rental regulator doesn’t have any “free flow” problems.

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