I Have No Idea WHY I Am Writing This… Do You?

This is going to be a free association post, and since it’s a free association, no membership dues will be charged. However, at intermission I’ll be passing around a hat. It’s a pretty cool hat, and even if you really like it, please don’t steal the hat, but do the right thing and put money in it instead, and pass the hat along to the next person, so he or she will put money in it too. Why? Because I like money and I want more of it, and I’d like your money to become my money. This should not be hard to understand, and if you want other people’s money to become your money, well then you should find your own cool hat to pass around, during your own free association post.

Much of my capacity to store memories has been gone since the mid 1980s, but it’s not always such a bad thing for me, not being able to remember the past. Why just this morning, I saw my wife of over 21 years, and I said “Hey there, Wild Thing! Where have you been all my life?” Me living in a state of near amnesia keeps our love life new and exciting every time we’re together!

Although sometimes certain memories do return and some of them can really ruin the mood! Like the night I told her, “Babe, you were absolutely incredible! If my wife had half of your talent in the sack, I’d never stray again!” She caused some painful memories in a hurry that time, and let me tell you, it wasn’t pretty!

My wife said the other day, that I’d flirt with anything wearing a dress! I said, “Don’t be ridiculous! If Lyle Lovett was wearing a dress, there is no way I’d flirt with him!”

Well… now as I give it some thought, just maybe I might, if I could put a bag over his head…

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Lyle looks a hell of a lot better in a dress than I ever thought he would!

But then after work today, I was at the dry cleaners picking up some clothes, when I saw this very attractive dress form wearing a dress… I couldn’t help myself, and I said to the dress form, “Well, hello there… That dress looks really fine on you. Planning a really hot night tonight? I can see that you’ve sent your head out to have your hair done. Which I find subtly exciting, because I have no way of knowing if you’re a blonde, brunette or redhead.

No, don’t tell me now… the anticipation will be much more provocative, as I wait for you, and then all is revealed… when you meet me for dinner tonight. Yeah… I’m already liking that thought, right now… But don’t forget your arms, okay? I can see that you’ve sent them to the beauty spa. Unless you’re into that whole Venus De Milo trip, which is cool with me, cause I’ve got my own arms… and I’m anticipating my arms holding your body sooo close to mine.

Oh yes, I know… If your head was here right now, you’d be smiling seductively back at me… your blonde, brunette or red hair falling alluringly around your very attractive face, as you flashed that ohh sooo sexy smile back at me.”

“For the last time, Sir! That will be thirty dollars!” exclaimed the irritable woman behind the counter! Cold hearted troll! She ruined everything!

Hey, I heard someone say just the other day, that “The definition of character, is what you do when no one is watching you.” Well, if that’s true, then there’s a full range of character which that could apply to… all the way from Angelic to Satanic, and therefore multiple characters… kinda like my multiple personality (disorder).

Hmm… too bad that they didn’t name the Titanic the Satanic… cause then all the good people would never have gotten on board. But ya know what? With the way things seem to work out in this life, if the Titanic was named the Satanic, that f*cker would have missed the iceberg! I’m tellin’ ya, sometimes there’s just no justice! In fact, it’s more like most of the time! Yep, the Satanic would have missed the iceberg, and all the evil people on board would’ve enjoyed the baddest cruise of their lives, and loved every minute of it!

And it sure would have made the movie more interesting… Kate Winslet would have been the Sacrificial Virgin. DiCaprio? He would have been the Male Sacrificial Virgin. Is it just me, or did he look like he was about 12 in that movie? I dunno… But he really did try hard in his role as Leading Prepubescent, so give the kid a break. Give him a coloring book and some Crayolas too… Mom could put that portrait of Kate up on the refrigerator for him. Of course all that was a long time ago, and things are different now. Because…

We have Twitter!!!

 

About Chris Sheridan

I’m a 56 year old guy who is young (and immature) at heart, and I love humor and laughter. Married for 22 years, but still enjoy all the glories of womanhood everywhere, even while dedicated to one woman only - and I hope my wife never finds out about her!
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2 Responses to I Have No Idea WHY I Am Writing This… Do You?

  1. Mikey says:

    You, I have to say, are so very very entertaining! I too have memory issues, but they are related specifically to alcohol. There was a night, when I walked home from the bar, but never made it home. I instead found myself enroute to a girl’s house (I was seeing two ladies at the time, both “friends”). She, for some reason I will never know, actually answered the door to my drunkenness. I crawled into bed with her, and was soon fast asleep…then fast awake! It was maybe two to five minutes later, and I had no idea where the hell i was! Then I realized there was someone next to me; as I was seeing two ladies, I had a 50/50 chance of getting it right, I say, “uhhh…[insert girl’s name]?” She says, “yes?” And me, being the genius I am say, “Ohh, I was just wondering which one I was sleeping next to…” and go back to sleep.

    I know, I got side-tracked there. I just wanted to say that you very much entertained me. Thank you.

    • Hey Mikey, thanks for your comments and for enjoying my stuff. I think that my memory issues are quite similar to yours. Lol @ you snatching defeat from the jaws of victory in that fix with your lady friend! :-) Nice save there with winning your name game of chance, but too bad that your booze loosened tongue gave you away. Been there and done that too, in my own versions. Hey, after reading some of your stuff, I’m now more likely to go for even greater freedom of expression with mine. Thanks for stopping by!

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