Yard Work Gone Wrong!

We were going canoeing this past saturday, but that never happened. Delays on top of delays, and then the threat of thunderstorms wrecked our chances for a canoe trip, which was very disappointing.

We had so much fun last time!

But instead, I had one of my most frustrating lawn mowing experiences ever, trying to mow our freaking lawn!

I haven’t been bugged that much using a lawn mower since I was 13 years old, and I hit a bump in the ground that turned out to be a Yellow Jacket wasp nest!

At least back then I could run very fast, and when I saw the cloud of Yellow Jackets rising up from under the stalled out mower, I was gone with the wind! Couldn’t go anywhere near that lawn mower until after nightfall…

HOLY CRAP!!!!!!!!!!!!

We have a nice house, but not a lot of Lot… which is fine by me, cause I have to mow it! Usually it takes only one hour to mow, but on saturday it took over two hours!

First, no gas in the gas can, so I had to go out and get it. Then, I found that my wife had tipped the lawn mower up on its side and spilled most of the oil out of the engine, so I had to clean up & replace it. Wife was VERY good to me that morning, so I said nothing to her about it…

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My REAL motivation for ever doing ANY yard work!

Then, after just getting started mowing, for first time in all the time we’ve lived here since 1996 – I hit the 4x4x8′ length of wood that borders the front yard & walkway with the lawn mower, and buried the blade over a foot lengthwise deep into middle of the wood.

Turned the air blue with very loud and emphatic cursing! I am not a patient man with yard work gone very wrong!

Took me over 40 minutes of frustrating & hard work to finally work lawn mower blade free from 4×4. Had to use a crow bar to pry up and then lift 4x4x8′ out of the ground, then a hammer & wedge to widen the split in the wood where lawn mower blade was deeply embedded in the wood. Work to free the blade was very slow going and frustrating – like trying to pry it loose the from middle of a tree trunk! Managed to break my hammer! Never broke a hammer before in all my life!

YOU CANNOT BE SERIOUS!!!

More very loud and emphatic cursing! Now doing my best to ignore two guys across the street watching and laughing… Bleep ’em!

Finally, over 40 minutes later I get the blade free from being buried over a foot lengthwise into the wood, then work to reset the 4x4x8′ back into the ground next to front walk. It’s still in one piece but no longer as nice looking as it was, before being hit by lawn mower. I know I can count on my wife insisting on a new one ASAP…

Then I FINALLY got to mow the lawn! Hot and muggy as hell outside and I took a very uncomfortable bath in my own sweat. Really angry and pissed off for next hour while mowing lawn after everything that happened before!

Only good thing is that I didn’t get hurt and the lawn mower came out of all this with no damage, and in good working order, which really surprised me. I wasn’t feeling that lucky…

It could have been worse, and at least THIS did NOT happen!!!

Lawn finally mowed and lawn mower put away. Thunderstorms were now closing in. Canoe trip, which I was really looking forward to, wasn’t going to happen…

Smiling here, because we made it back in time, that time… But this time??? Someday, doing this sort of thing could be the last mistake I’ll ever make! But NOT on this day!

Next Saturday: FIRST Canoe trip, THEN lawn mowing! I don’t care if the lawn looks taller than Flippin’ Elephant grass!!!

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About Chris Sheridan

I’m a 56 year old guy who is young (and immature) at heart, and I love humor and laughter. Married for 22 years, but still enjoy all the glories of womanhood everywhere, even while dedicated to one woman only - and I hope my wife never finds out about her!
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