OK, as promised – in spite of the unfortunate Tina Fey Domestic Dispute that derailed my plans for writing this post yesterday… well the show must go on, and so here it is now.
There was a French movie out a few years ago, called “Sex Is Comedy”. I saw it, and I don’t remember it being all that funny, but the film title stayed with me, because I think that sometimes sex really can be comedy. Not very often, but occasionally sex can be pretty damn funny!
So I’ve gathered together here some examples of humorous sexual situations.
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Birds do it… Bees do it… And apparently, even trees do it!
Yes, they most certainly do!
Unless they are too preoccupied with others issues…
People who know me, seem to think that I’ve got sex on the brain all the time. Maybe they’re right…
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Ever wonder what Radiologists do when they’re bored?
They make X-ray-ted pictures!
Now THIS would be embarrassing! Just what kind of explanation could a guy possibly give, for getting into this kind of predicament?
Maybe it would go something like this:
“Hey, no big deal here! I was just trying to vacuum the clothing lint out of my pubic hair, when something distracted me, (wife opening door to room!) and caused me to aim the tube a little too low! It could have happened to anyone!”
At least that’s what I would have said… Cause in a fix like this, ya gotta say something!
But now it’s time for a real example of sex as comedy! The following is a true story of something that actually happened to me, when I was in my early 20s.
For some reason, sex and comedy are closely related in the way my mind works. Mention sex, and often my mind starts creating jokes. But I try my best to not laugh while having sex, because I’ve found that for some reason, most women really hate that! But sometimes stand up comedy reminds me of stand up sex.
Stand up sex can produce some unintended comedy if you’re not careful… and end up having “fall down sex”! Other people might think it’s really funny, even if you and she don’t at the time. But you’ll laugh about it later – or maybe just never see each other again.
I had fall down sex once… Let me see if I can describe this, without going too far out of bounds. I was standing up while she was starting to kneel, when suddenly she lost her balance and started to fall backwards. She tried to stop her fall by grabbing the closest thing in front of her – as in MY thing!
In the instant I realized what was happening, I was truly terrified, because I knew that my man handle wasn’t designed to break the fall of a 110 pound female! Something had to give, and I sure as hell didn’t want it to be me! Yes, there IS such a thing as a penile fracture, and believe me when I tell you that you don’t want to know the details! So fighting for my sexual survival, I started to fall forward as she was falling backwards with me still firmly in her grasp.
We ended up doing a perfect joint somersault together… and both landed safely and unharmed. (Thank God!) If it was an Olympic event, the judges would have scored it a 9.5!
As we lay there on the carpet, at first she had this shocked expression on her face… and then she started to laugh. And laugh, and really laugh, and laugh so hard – that she was having trouble breathing, and starting to turn blue! I thought we might have to call 9-1-1 after all!
But she eventually calmed down and was capable of normal respiration again. I didn’t think it was so funny, cause I nearly got maimed for life! But hey, she was young, so I patiently explained to her what the male anatomy could and couldn’t do, as well as safe handling procedures.
I’m just really grateful that I wasn’t permanently ruined, because now with certain major pharmacological advancements, it’s possible for men and women to continue to enjoy sex together, well into their senior years.
While I’m nowhere near this point in life yet, it’s still good to know that I can look forward to many more years of doing the horizontal bop – until I drop! Lol ;-)
P.S. – A buddy of mine did me a favor and I’d like to return it here. Check out Did You Just Look at My Chest? This may not be for everyone, but neither am I, and I think this is some funny stuff worth sharing.