Okay, so you’ve seen the title and you’ve been forewarned – which means that you now proceed at your own risk.
I’m bored, and this is never a good thing. Because I tend to do stupid and impulsive things when I’m bored, and annoy the people around me. If you’re reading this, well then you’re around me in the cyber-sense, and yes, I can annoy you too. Don’t think so? Keep reading.
This picture has nothing to do with this post. I just felt like throwing it in here.
Many years ago, my wife’s nephew, who was four years old at the time, picked up a large wrist watch and threw it at my wife, bouncing it off her nose. My wife exclaimed “Michael! Why did you DO that?!” (he did it because he was a little brat, but that’s not the point here) .
Michael looked up at her, his four year old eyes wide with intensity, and he answered with absolute conviction, loudly and emphatically, “Because I HAD to!!!” And he didn’t give any other explanation, because in his little mind, no other answer was required. He’s a hedge fund manager now… and I think he still uses that answer to explain much of what he does.
Sometimes I can completely relate to a four year old boy’s reasoning at age 55, and I actually understand what little Michael meant, when he exclaimed “Because I HAD to!!!”
Which is why I’m writing this post right now – Because I HAD to!!!
It’s a good thing that my wife is a patient woman, and she has the ability to still remember my good qualities when I’m behaving badly. That way, she doesn’t kill me. She’s come close to killing me before, but she always stops just short of doing it. I’m glad that I married her, instead of some other less patient woman, or I’d be dead by now.
I’ve done things that infuriated my wife because I had a “Because I HAD to!!!” moment. One time she almost put me in an early grave for it, early in our married life together.
During our first year of marriage, over twenty years ago, we were having Thanksgiving dinner for some family members at our place. My wife was doing much of the cooking, so in a fair division of labor, I was vacuuming all the floors and carpets. My wife grew up in a very traditional family, and as a result, she thought it was amazing that a man could actually vacuum a carpet.
In fact, she thought it was kinda hot to watch me vacuuming… Men often wonder what women really want, and what really does it for them. Well here’s a tip, guys… What women really want, is for you to help them with the housework. And you’d be surprised by how some effort with a vacuum cleaner, can often turn into some far more pleasurable efforts in the bedroom.
You want to get her in the mood? Start by vacuuming the bedroom… And if you want to make her crazy with hotly passionate desire, then vacuum the entire house! It works here at our house, and it might work in yours too. ;-) Hey, don’t knock it till you’ve tried it… I could tell you about the little outfit that she likes me to wear, while she watches me vacuuming, but I’ll save that for another post.
Yes, it’s really true that this…
Anyway, on that Thanksgiving day twenty years ago, while she was busy cooking, I was busy vacuuming. Eventually, my vacuum cleaner and I found my way into the kitchen. I was down on my hands and knees with my appliance, and going after all the dirt I could find. My wife was standing up at the kitchen counter, making something. As I moved in behind her from my position on the floor, I had an excellent view of her sexy shaped denim covered behind. And then it happened… I had an impulsive thought, as I stared up at my wife’s alluring ass.
Without really thinking anything at all, other than the thought I just had, I quickly removed the cleaning attachment from the vacuum tube… and goosed her with the vacuum cleaner! It was a direct hit, and I got her really good with some serious suction in a very sensitive place! She jumped three feet in the air and she swore like a dock worker! I’ve never heard her swear like that before or since! She was so mad that she swung a large sauce pan at my head, but I was able to get out of the way! I just couldn’t stop laughing! The whole scene was just so ridiculous, that it was impossible for me not to laugh! Still makes me laugh right now! LOL! :-)
It’s true that she wouldn’t sleep with me for the next week, because actions do have their consequences, and it was a little while before vacuuming got me a sultry stare from her again, instead of a dirty look. But eventually she got over it, and vacuuming was restored to its rightful place in our home again, as a way to keep the place clean, and also in our marriage, as a form of foreplay…
It really helped her to get over her anger about what I did to her, by letting her do it to me… Hey, fair is fair! ;-)