Very Baked Brownies

I was rummaging around in an old online picture file the other day and I found a few images that grabbed my attention.

Iron Maiden – Album cover from heavy metal band that I never really listened to…


Iron Maiden’s dog… Just try and tell me that there’s no connection here. Heavy metal band or not, Iron Maiden clearly had a family dog. Apparently, the dog was one of their early influences in their direction as a band.

In case you’re wondering, the dog is a hairless purebred Chinese Crested dog named Sam, and several years back, he won “The World’s Ugliest Dog Contest”. I’m certain that Sam was also a major influence for the Iron Maiden album “A Real Dead One” after he passed away in 2005, although band members refuse to publicly admit it.

Contrary to a persistent but false rumor, Sam was not dead but still alive when this picture below was taken.

A face that only a mother, or a heavy metal band with a preoccupation with death and zombies could love… RIP Sam.

You’re probably wondering why this post is called “Very Baked Brownies”… I’ll get to the point now.

Long ago and far away, in a smoke filled and hazy kingdom vaguely and seldom remembered… three friends were having an early encounter with cooking. Since their minds were already cooked that night, they turned their attention to trying to cook other things.
Brownies, for some reason, seemed to be the best choice. One guy looked at the box and said, “This shouldn’t be too hard, ya just throw this stuff together, put it in a pan and bake it.” The second guy said, “Well you go ahead… cause I’m too baked to think about it. But I’d love some brownies!” The third guy said “Hey! Ya can’t just throw it all together, ya gotta follow the instructions on the box, or they’ll come out crappy.”
The first guy answered, “Well, since you seem to know all about it, then go to it!”  The second guy said, “Uhhh… what were we just talking about, anyway?” and suddenly collapsed into a fit of hysterical laughter.
So the guy who believed in following the directions, read the box carefully and went to work. He cracked open two eggs and dumped them in a mixing bowl, he added just the right amount of milk, just like the directions said… he added a teaspoon of cooking oil and then used a whisk to mix it all up. The directions spoke to him on a deep and profoundly meaningful level, and they said that now the brownie mix should be added.
He was really transfixed by these directions on the Brownie Mix box. It seemed like the most fascinating thing he’d ever read, in all his life. He was mesmerized by the directions and unlocking their secrets to achieving the ultimate perfection of perfectly baked brownies… He read the directions as if following them exactly, to the very letter, was the very secret of life itself…
Which is why, when he read the part that told him to stir the mix by hand, he plunged both his hands into the mixing bowl, and vigorously stirred it with his hands.
It took his two friends more than three long minutes to stop laughing at him…

About Chris Sheridan

I’m a 56 year old guy who is young (and immature) at heart, and I love humor and laughter. Married for 22 years, but still enjoy all the glories of womanhood everywhere, even while dedicated to one woman only - and I hope my wife never finds out about her!
This entry was posted in Humor and tagged , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

4 Responses to Very Baked Brownies

  1. OMG! That’s hilarious!!!!

  2. benzeknees says:

    Hi Chris – recommended you for an award, please see my post for details & comments

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