Adventures in Chat – Part Two “Much Better Than Just Dancin’ with Myself”

An online friend whom I’ve known for years, and I had a rather fun chat earlier, and I thought I’d try turning it into a post for your reading, dining and dancing pleasure, or whatever you’re into. This is the same friend who stood me up for a chat session the other day, which resulted in my Frankly Scarlet… post. I think this version here shows that chat goes much better when two people are involved, instead of just me chatting with myself. ;-)

  • Apr 04 11:31 AM

Chris: Lol – Reminds me of something that happened a while back – kind of funny – wanna hear?

  • Apr 04 11:31 AM

alongbine: Sure!

  • Apr 04 11:32 AM

Chris: I was at the drug store one day and I saw that they came out with condoms that come with a rubber ring and a small vibrator button in the center of the ring that runs from a watch battery. I was so curious about it, that I bought one, came home and put it in my night stand on my side of the bed.

  • Apr 04 11:34 AM

alongbine: lol – thinking about what’s coming next.

  • Apr 04 11:35 AM

Chris: Promptly forgot it was there, until two weeks later, when Jean and I were starting to go at it hot and heavy and Jean goes to get some lube out of her night stand – but she can’t find it, so…

  • Apr 04 11:36 AM

Chris: She thinks the lube must be in my night stand, only instead of the lube – she finds an unopened condom box.

  • Apr 04 11:36 AM

alongbine: And starts to ask questions??? lol

  • Apr 04 11:37 AM

Chris: Yep, this caused her some serious concern, since WHY WOULD HER HUSBAND BE BUYING F*CKING CONDOMS?!?

  • Apr 04 11:37 AM

Chris: When I realized what she thought, the first thing out of my mouth was “Jean! No, wait- it’s not what it looks like!”

  • Apr 04 11:39 AM

alongbine: ha ha ha ha

  • Apr 04 11:40 AM

Chris: Jean: “Well it looks just like a f*cking condom to me? What else is it supposed to look like Chris?!”

  • Apr 04 11:41 AM

Chris: Me: ”Let me open it up and show it to you…” Her: “I KNOW what a f*cking condom looks like and you don’t need to show it to me!!!”

  • Apr 04 11:42 AM

alongbine: trust you to dig yourself a bigger hole lol

  • Apr 04 11:42 AM

Chris: Her: “How about telling me the truth about WHY YOU HAVE IT, CHRIS?!”

  • Apr 04 11:43 AM

alongbine: Straight to the point. I like it.

  • Apr 04 11:43 AM

Chris: Me: “I have it because I thought that you might really like it.” Her: “Have you lost your mind?! WHY would I like it?”

  • Apr 04 11:44 AM

alongbine: Good point for her, you must admit

  • Apr 04 11:45 AM

Chris: Me: “Because it has a rubber ring and a miniature vibrator in it, and if you’ll just stop being so f*cking paranoid, I’ll open the Goddamn thing up and prove it to you!!!”

  • Apr 04 11:46 AM

alongbine: You grabbed the wrong box didn’t ya? lmao

  • Apr 04 11:46 AM

Chris: Oh no, if I had grabbed the wrong box I would be dead now – it was the right one. But that would have made a great part of the story! Lol

  • Apr 04 11:46 AM

Chris: She takes a deep breath and then says, “Ok, then show me, cause that’s too weird for even you to make up as a fake excuse.”

  • Apr 04 11:47 AM

Chris: After we were both able to calm down, things went much better. Except…

  • Apr 04 11:48 AM

alongbine: OMG! Now what? lmao.

  • Apr 04 11:49 AM

Chris: What went wrong after that, was after I got Jean all nice and relaxed and reassured that I wasn’t buying condoms to have sex with other women…

  • Apr 04 11:50 AM

Chris: And got her back in the mood again, and ready to try our new little toy – THE F*CKING THING DIDN’T WORK! cause the battery was dead!

  • Apr 04 11:50 AM

alongbine: lmfao – you’re killing me here! F*ckin typical!

  • Apr 04 11:51 AM

Chris: So all that grief for nothing and 20 dollars wasted!

  • Apr 04 11:52 AM

alongbine: ha ha ha ha ha you’re gonna make me piss myself laughing!

  • Apr 04 11:52 AM

Chris: I thought that you might like that little story. Lol

  • Apr 04 11:53 AM

alongbine: Just buy a new battery, make sure it works and then devote a whole night to getting to know the new object d’ art. But yes I did like the story – very much! lol

  • Apr 04 11:53 AM

Chris: No, you can’t replace the battery that runs it, and have to blow 20 bucks on a whole new one.

  • Apr 04 11:54 AM

alongbine: Well that just sucks. Does each condom have the vibrating ring ‘built in’?

  • Apr 04 11:54 AM

Chris: No, actually there’s the regular condom, and the ring vibrator is separate but comes in the same box with it.

  • Apr 04 11:55 AM

Chris: I was going to take the damn thing back for a refund, but then I envisioned the whole scene of standing at the customer service desk and explaining to some 18 year old girl, while other shoppers wait in line, why I was returning a used condom… Decided that 20 dollars was not worth that kind of public humiliation… Lol

  • Apr 04 11:56 AM

alongbine: LMFAO You are not a total lost cause after all! Good thinking and great visual! Ha ha ha ha

  • Apr 04 11:57 AM

Chris: Always glad to amuse you with tales of self abuse. Lol – But there is a silver lining to this tale of woe…

  • Apr 04 11:57 AM

alongbine: and that is?

  • Apr 04 11:58 AM

Chris: And the silver lining is… that Jean was kinda excited about trying the vibrating ring and she was disappointed when the damn thing didn’t work.

  • Apr 04 11:59 AM

Chris: So two nights later, she surprised me with a brand new REAL vibrator and teased me saying “Thought I’d save you from blowing another 20 bucks on a little piece of shit, and go for the deluxe model, cause never send a MAN to do a woman’s job.”

  • Apr 04 12:00 PM

alongbine: Whoa baby. That’s great! But she is right you know – men can’t be expected to do a woman’s job and get it right – you are proof lmao

  • Apr 04 12:01 PM

Chris: But now she says that she doesn’t need me anymore, cause she has “Vince” her name for the vibrator. I’ve been replaced! SIGH! By f*ckin’ Vinnie the Vibrator!

  • Apr 04 12:02 PM

alongbine: LMFAO No no no Vibrator can’t replace you. Cuz you are hysterical! Ha ha ha ha

  • Apr 04 12:02 PM

Chris: Fuckin’ technology!

  • Apr 04 12:03 PM

alongbine: Tell her to ask ‘Vinnie’ to change a flattened tyre for her.

  • Apr 04 12:03 PM

Chris: Lol! I’ve always liked the way you think. But she’s just teasin’ me. Well, sorta. Lol

  • Apr 04 12:04 PM

alongbine: Ha ha ha ha Chris I gotta go now or you WILL make me piss myself! ha ha ha

  • Apr 04 12:04 PM

Chris: Aren’t you wearing your ‘depends’?

  • Apr 04 12:05 PM

alongbine: F*ck off rat bag! Byeee!

  • Apr 04 12:05 PM

Chris: I love you too! And I’ll get ya next time. Bye Bye! ;-)

The End. For now… ;-)


About Chris Sheridan

I’m a 56 year old guy who is young (and immature) at heart, and I love humor and laughter. Married for 22 years, but still enjoy all the glories of womanhood everywhere, even while dedicated to one woman only - and I hope my wife never finds out about her!
This entry was posted in Humor, Personal and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

17 Responses to Adventures in Chat – Part Two “Much Better Than Just Dancin’ with Myself”

  1. greatmartin says:

    Next you will want us to watch you having sex!!!! I HATE chat rooms on the Internet–take up too much time and usually the same group of people hog the place.

    • Martin, calm down buddy – this was a strictly private chat (well, it was while in progress, lol) between me and my friend only. I don’t waste my time in chat “rooms” either, and haven’t since 2001. And I can assure you that I will NEVER make you or anyone else watch my wife and I having sex – because I love her too much to ever do that, and I also know that she would KILL ME DEAD if I ever did that. So relax buddy – you are safe! Lol ;-)

  2. RFL says:

    This is hysterical. Vinnies never replace, only enhance and add efficiency :)
    Ready for an overshare?
    Good, because I’ve considered writing this post and it is too embarrassing. I bought a Vinnie once at a very adult store. It is the only time I’ve ever been in one and I have never been back.
    I took my purchase to check out, only to be shocked by the clerk who started to take it out of the box, and insert batteries for a test run.
    I asked him what he was doing, and he said, “I have to make sure this works because you can’t return them.”
    “Umm…Okay. Thanks, I guess. I wouldn’t try to return it, I might not make it through this transaction because I am about to die of embarrassment right now. Is it too late to run away?”
    I would have bought it online if I had known of this policy.

    • Thanks for saying it’s hysterical :-) Lol – You can never overshare here, and thanks for being brave enough to add your story, which I have read with some laughter as well as an understanding smile.

      I can closely relate to what you went through, because early in our marriage, my wife and I walked into an “adult store” where they had on sale what they were promoting as “the ultimate experience in vibrators”.

      The model for which they made this claim, was big and shiny gold, and sold with multiple attachments. The salesman, yes, a guy, told us that a demonstration of the unit’s capabilities and versatility was the only way for us to appreciate it’s true value.
      I was fine with all this, but my wife was raised in a very conservative family and it was a challenge just for her to walk into a place like this, and her face was turning redder by the minute.
      And when the salesman put the attachment on the unit, that I have to admit looked very much like a rattlesnake’s tail – most of all as it buzzed and vibrated in a blur back and forth, well my poor wife went running like a deer all the way right out of that store!
      We didn’t buy it… and I’m sure that’s no surprise to you. Lol – and yes, sometimes it’s best to make these transactions online.
      Thanks for stopping by, and thanks for sharing! :-)

  3. morezennow says:

    lmfao, dude! this was great and guess what? Don’t be jealous but I bought one too when they first came out and MINE worked! But is was too distracting to get anything out of it. I like mine plain jane, like a peanut butter and jelly sandwich!

    • Thanks! :-) And thanks for sharing your experience too. Now I don’t feel like we missed much, and yes, there is often more pleasure in what is basic tried and true simplicity.
      Thanks so much for stopping by!

  4. That’s pretty damn funny Chris! i got one of those things out of curiosity once and my partner was scared of it (so was I actually). So it’s probably hiding in the very bottom of some drawer for one of my kids to happen across.

    • Thanks and glad that you enjoyed! :-) Hmm… I’m beginning to suspect that these things have often been purchased due to impulsive curiosity, but then thrown in a drawer and forgotten or avoided by many folks out there. Which I must admit, is sheer marketing brilliance. Getting people to buy something that they don’t really want, as much as they are made curious by just the idea of it. Whether it is used successfully or used at all is irrelevant once the purchase is made and the seller and manufacturer have gained the buyer’s money. It’s kind of subtly diabolical in an insignificant sort of way.
      Thanks for stopping by – and please tell your twin sister that I said hello. ;-)

  5. Too funny! But I think you should put it in a zip loc baggie, have a friend go to the store first with a camcorder or cell phone video recorder, and record you going up to the desk, holding the baggie all high in the air and telling the story you told here to the clerk very loudly and get your refund. I’m sure they will.

    • LOL! You, Michelle, are the Voice of Temptation! This is just the sort of idea that will make numerous circles around the inside of my mind, and seem more fascinating and fun with each new orbit. I won’t be at all surprised if you idea turns into action and a video, and who knows? Maybe the next big YouTube viral sensation! Lol ;-) Hey, don’t worry – I’ll give you half of any money made, since your mind will have inspired it!

      • LOL, sounds good to me! Just like I want to get those muscle leggings and have a friend record peoples reactions as I wear them downtown during the day.

        • Lmao!!! Please DO it! I know that you are guaranteed to turn lots of heads and cause some very comical facial expressions and reactions!
          I think this is an idea that’s got legs! Even if not legs with skin… Lol ;-)

  6. Pingback: Feeling Left Behind and Out in the Cold? This One’s for You. | Word Play

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