Adventures in Chat – Part Three

Introduction: I have been friends online with a woman from Australia, on and off again, due to various circumstances in our lives since 2002. She is one of my very best friends, and she probably knows me better, on a more deeply personal level than almost all of my “real life” friends do.

We are not lovers, but we do love each other. And yes, my wife Jean knows all about her, and has frequently had friendly conversations with her on the phone. Jean doesn’t have any issues or concerns about us and our “relationship” because she knows that there is no reason for her to be concerned.

So yes, my Aussie online friend and I do love each other, after countless conversations we’ve shared during the last 10 years via online chat and also on the phone. But most of all, we love to make each other laugh. What follows is just the most recent example.

May 03 1:18 AM

alongbine: I know that you are probably tucked up in bed right now, which you should be, but I had to tell you, I have NO work hours for the next two weeks.

May 03 1:20 AM

Chris: Who, me? The sleepless wonder? You can’t be serious!

May 03 1:21 AM

alongbine: Why are you awake? Go to bed!

May 03 1:21 AM

Chris: Don’t wanna… Can’t make me… and why are you trying to IM me if you want me to go to bed? Silly woman! Lol

May 03 1:22 AM

alongbine: Whatever… It is very silly of me to care about your well being, so I will stop right now. I think the boss was a little taken aback when I called, because I was almost joyous in my response, and she was expecting tears and complaints! LMAO. I love messing with her head.

May 03 1:22 AM

Chris: Yes, these are the times that heads should be messed with, and the messing with of heads enjoyed. Which is the secret of getting ahead in life, and getting head too! ;-)

May 03 1:23 AM

alongbine: Ha ha ha, I can see that you are so sleep deprived, everything is funny…..mwahahahaha lol

May 03 1:23 AM

Chris: Everything is VERY funny right now! The voices in my head are just friggin hilarious!

May 03 1:23 AM

alongbine: Tell them I said “Hi”. Don’t want to leave them out.

May 03 1:24 AM

Chris: They all say Hi back! There’s at least 38 of them in there – oh wait, 3 more just arrived!

May 03 1:24 AM

Chris: And the 3 new arrivals are female voices, which is going to be a little strange for me, but I can deal with it…

May 03 1:25 AM

alongbine: Tell them to stop yelling as I can hear them from here.

May 03 1:25 AM

Chris: No, I think those are the voices in YOUR head. Let’s not confuse the issue. Lol

May 03 1:26 AM

alongbine: Then why do they keep saying: “Scratch your balls, they’re itchy!”

May 03 1:26 AM

Chris: Lol! :-) Damn good question! Is there something you haven’t told me about the truth of your gender? Sporting some extra equipment, maybe???

May 03 1:27 AM

alongbine: If we ever get the chance to be in the same room (physically) comments like that could be dangerous for you – I’ve gutted a deer more than twice, so removal of YOUR equipment would be easy.

May 03 1:28 AM

Chris: But wouldn’t that be like cutting off your nose to spite your face? Cause if you removed my equipment, then it would be no good to you. No, if we were ever in the same room, the real danger would be that all the neighbors would hear us for an entire block!

May 03 1:29 AM

alongbine: Then Jean would remove your equipment and she wouldn’t think twice! lmao

May 03 1:30 AM

Chris: I think you’ve got a point there. Good one, and that’s at least 5 point for you! Lol

May 03 1:31 AM

alongbine: Thanks! I think you may be right, “I may be crazy, but it just may be a lunatic, I’m looking for” lol

May 03 1:32 AM

Chris: Is Billy Joel one of the voices in your head too???

May 03 1:33 AM

alongbine: He sings to entertain the masses from time to time. He’s good that way, always accommodating.

May 03 1:33 AM

Chris: Yeah, well I also got Christy Brinkley in here, and her voice is HOT!

May 03 1:34 AM

alongbine: Yeah, yeah, well I have the second in charge from Star Trek Next Generation and he is HOT too.

May 03 1:35 AM

Chris: Well cool for you! But Christy’s getting weird. She keeps telling me to play with myself, but she’s giving me directions for equipment that I just don’t have…

May 03 1:36 PM

alongbine: And you raise questions about my gender? Maybe you do have a vagina. And no surprise that you’d need directions for how to use it. Ha ha ha ha

May 03 1:36 AM

Chris: Of course I have a vagina. And you know I do.

May 03 1:37 AM

alongbine: You do? I know? What? Huh???

May 03 1:37 AM

Chris: Yeah, I have a vagina… Her name is Jean. ;-)

May 03 1:38 AM

alongbine: lmao you are so grotty. I’m going to tell her you said that! lol

May 03 1:38 AM

Chris: You’re going to tell my wife that I said she has a vagina?

May 03 1:39 AM

alongbine: No rat bag, I’m going to tell your wife that you said she IS a vagina!

May 03 1:39 AM

Chris: Well at least I used the polite name for it.

May 03 1:40 AM

alongbine: Yes you did, but I doubt that it will make a difference when I tell her. ha ha ha ha

May 03 1:41 AM

Chris: You’re being kinda mean tonight, woman. Threats of castration, telling my wife I said terrible things. What next?

May 03 1:42 AM

alongbine: But you started it all by questioning my gender. Typical man! Throws the first jabs and then cries foul when he gets hit a few times back. Tisk tisk tisk… must I be more gentle so as to not hurt you?

May 03 1:42 AM

Chris: Nah… I’m just playing around with ya. Fire away! I can deal with it.

May 03 1:43 AM

alongbine: brb – phone

May 03 1:45 AM

Chris: Ok – voices in head are still keeping me company, so that’s cool.

May 03 1:47 AM

Chris: Wow… Christy just told me that if Billy Joel’s dick was as big as his voice, that they’d still be together! Ouch!

May 03 1:49 AM

Chris: Oh now this is just brutal… she just added that if his voice was as big as his dick, that even the world’s greatest microphone couldn’t help him! OUCH again!

May 03 1:51 AM

alongbine: Listen sorry but gonna sign off because I have to stay on this call. It’s my bro who no-one in the family has been able to get hold of and have been concerned about due to a recent marriage break-up.

May 03 1:51 AM

Chris: Totally understand. Go on… just go ahead and leave me, like this has all just been nothing to you!

May 03 1:52 AM

Chris: But I know that someday you’ll look back on these moments, and then you will know… you will definitely know, long after it’s too late.

May 03 1:53 AM

Chris: Kidding – go on and do what you need to do.

May 03 1:53 AM

Chris: And I love ya like a brother! Lol :-)

May 03 1:55 AM

alongbine: Love you like a mother lmao. Go to bed, get some sleep and I’ll be around sooner or later.

May 03 1:55 AM

alongbine: btw loved the Christy – Billy comments, Pissed myself laughing (thanks, now I need to take a shower) and it made my bro laugh too.

May 03 1:56 AM

Chris: Oh good! I love to spread the happiness! And whatever else that gets sprayed around as a result too! ;-)

May 03 1:56 AM

alongbine: Wish I could stay longer, But…Byeeeeeee until next time…

May 03 1:57 AM

Chris: Bye Bye. I’ll try my best to never forget you! But if I do, please remember your name so you can tell me who you are. Lol

May 03 1:58 AM

alongbine: Sure thing. ha ha ha ha. Now fuck off! lol

May 03 1:58 AM

Chris: Hey! Same to YOU, buddy!!!

The End – until next time…

Note to WordPress friends and readers: If you enjoyed reading this one, you might also want to read Frankly Scarlet… and Adventures in Chat – Part Two “Much Better Than Just Dancin’ with Myself” These posts are variations of the same thing, only I think they are much better. Especially “Part Two” – just my honest opinion, and as always, thanks so much for reading! :-)


About Chris Sheridan

I’m a 56 year old guy who is young (and immature) at heart, and I love humor and laughter. Married for 22 years, but still enjoy all the glories of womanhood everywhere, even while dedicated to one woman only - and I hope my wife never finds out about her!
This entry was posted in Humor, Personal and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

9 Responses to Adventures in Chat – Part Three

  1. Everyone needs a great platonic friend! I’ve met a few guys who’ve had best friends on the internet. Maybe I’ll develop some myself one day! You’re skirting pretty close to the wire though with calling your wife a., hmmm.

    • It’s been a truly unique experience. I remember during our first few months of hanging out together online in 2002 that the more time we spent together, the more similarities in personality traits we noticed that we shared in common. Even our minds and our ways of thinking seemed to travel in parallel lines, to the point that during chat we’d often simultaneously type almost the same sentence, as the same thought occurred to both of us at the same time. This still happens with us often to this day, even now ten years later…

      But what has always created the most powerful bond between us is our shared sense of humor, and the almost unfailing ability to make each other laugh. Laughter has helped us both take turns dragging each other up from the depths of despair on more than a few occasions, when life had one of us or the other really down and out.

      Skirting close to the wire with my wife? I’m not all that worried, since I know that for all my Aussie friend’s talk, that it’s no more than just talk, and that she would never really rat me out.

      Besides, we know so much personal and private info about each other, that we have a running joke called M.A.H. which stands for Mutually Assured Humiliation – meaning that one of us would never dare reveal too much about the other, because we both know that we have enough info on each other, that a first strike would result in an equally bad retaliation and end up in a state of M.A.H. or the horror of Mutually Assured Humiliation! And neither of us EVER wants it to come down to that! Lol ;-)

  2. What can I tell you? We Aussies have a real down to earth sense of humour :)

    • And I wouldn’t want it any other way! :-) The great thing is that when it comes to bawdy humor, most Aussie women are almost impossible to embarrass, and more often than not, if I start by saying something “off color” they will come back with something just as bad, and often worse. Lol ;-)

      But not to worry, because I never just make assumptions that this will be automatic, with someone from Aus that I don’t know. I do have enough sense to not only test the waters, but to also swim enough laps until I have a better sense of the boundries of the body of water I’m jumping into… And of course, I always watch out for the saltys if I happen to be visiting Queensland. Lol ;-)

      • You nailed it in the first paragraph. We Aussie girls have fantastic sparring partners in Aussie guys.They show no mercy. And please, don’t hold back on my account… I know I wont :)

  3. benzeknees says:

    When I first met my hubby, he had a “harem.” This was a group of female friends who he hung out with all the time. They all talked non-stop on the phone, to him & to each other. He was always at someone’s place fixing something. I met all the ladies in his harem & while we lived in Wpg. we were all actually friends. Then we moved to NW Ontario & his harem disappeared because we were so busy working our tushies off.
    It seems like you Aussie friend is a mirror or your sense of humor & it’s always nice to have someone who just “gets” you.

    • Well you previously mentioned that your hubby is a very good talker, so that probably had a lot to do with him being fun for the ladies to hang around with. Can’t say that I’ve ever had a harem… but with my long history of serial monogamy, I guess that’s not too surprising.

      Saying that my Aussie friend is a mirror is a very accurate description, and we tend to be mirrors for each other. And yes, it is really nice to have someone who “gets” me, and most of all when it comes to sharing humor and laughs. :-)

  4. Pingback: Adventures in Chat Part 5 – The Naked Truth! | Word Play

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