I’m in a good mood today, and I’m even feeling well rested after a rare full night’s worth of sleep, so I’m ready to have some fun.
Two adversarial situations that have been serious problems in my life, have suddenly been resolved in a very positive way, and resolved in not only my favor, but for other people as well.
Nope, I didn’t win a lot of money by suing somebody, but I did sue somebody who most definitely deserved it, and with the help of the fine folks at the ACLU, I won!
I didn’t win any money, but I did win the right to speak my mind freely with my writing online, without being personally and privately threatened with the ruination of my life and reputation, by a right wing CEO who hated my frequent and freely expressed opinions, because my opinions didn’t match his own, and too many other people were agreeing with me, instead of agreeing with him.
The other situation is personal, since it involves my family, so I won’t go into detail about it here. Except to say that finally getting this problem resolved has made me and other members of my family very relieved, and very happy! :-)
My good mood has brought out my sense of humor, and also some interesting comments and replies with other bloggers here on WordPress. I’m now going to share some of them with the rest of you.
Blogger # 1: “LOL. Let me first applaud your record-keeping. That’s just impressive. Anytime you want to do my taxes, I’m in.”
Me: “Since I was an English major in college having me do your taxes would be like having Donald Trump give a lecture on the very best new cutting edge trends in Men’s hairstyling.”
Ugh… that was weak and I’m tired, but I gave it my best shot… when it would probably have been better to pass the ball to Helen Keller, who almost always got nothing but net for her three pointers, as long as the basketball was printed with Braille. (A bad Helen Keller joke? Really, Chris?)
That’s it! I’m hauling my tired ass to bed right now! Sheesh! Sorry about that! Lol”
Blogger #1: “I’ve never heard a Helen Keller joke. That takes mad skillz ;) Not to worry, I have a tax guy who just loves to take my money…”
Me: “You’ve never heard a Helen Keller Joke? What… Are you deaf? Just kidding! Lol :-D
I have a tax guy who has done an excellent job for us, for many years. Except that every year when my wife picks up our taxes, he looks at her and says, ‘So you’re still married to that guy, huh?’ Then he shakes his head and says ‘Amazing…’
But I don’t hold it against him, because he doesn’t know the full extent of my ‘talents’ and he never will. Lol :-)”
Blogger #2: “And did you know when Helen Keller has brushed her teeth? She had that Gleam in her eye…
Yeah you’ve written a far better punch line, Mom had a BFA in English. Grrrrrr.
Fear not: I am in possession of a completely worthless BFA in Music Performance. It hangs proudly in the bathroom.
Chris, the only things you have to accomplish in this life are staying alive and dying at an appropriate time. Screw taxes!
Potatoes and Pasta! It’s what for dinner!
No double entendres intended…
She said potatoes heh heh heh”
Me: “Thanks! :-) I liked your Helen Keller punch line, and laughed out loud when I read it. And hey, Music Performance BFA hanging in the bathroom or not, you’re a musical performing star at “Burning Man” which I still have yet to get off my dead ass and go out to attend, even though I know that I’d love it. But maybe 2013 is the year…
Dying at an appropriate time? Okay, I guess I’ll try for that. I also want to pre-record my own eulogy for my own funeral and have them play it at the service, because for just one last time, I want to make my audience die laughing, even though I’m the one who’s really dead!
And for those friends and relatives who have often exclaimed ‘You’d be late for your own funeral!’ because I’ve had a life long problem with tardiness, well I’ll have a special treat for them.
Because I’m going to make arrangements to actually BE an hour late for my own funeral, until I make my grand entrance by having my well embalmed but mannequin like body wheeled up while standing upright on a freight dolly, to the front of the church, and then stood up at the podium, instead of placed horizontal in my casket. My first pre-recorded line will then play, in which I’ll say, ‘Sorry for keeping you folks waiting, and I also want to say that just because I’m dead, I am not going to take this “dying thing” laying down!’
Hey, since you seem like the kind of person who would enjoy it, (meant as a compliment) would you like me to send you an early invitation to my funeral? Just a thought, and if you’re not into it, hey, no problem! Lol :-D”
Postscript: I just suddenly realized that I missed Blogger #2’s amusing quip when she finished her reply with “Potatoes and Pasta! It’s what for dinner! No double entendres intended…
She said potatoes heh heh heh”
How so very much unlike me! It’s moments like these when my wife puts her hand on my forehead to see if I’m running a fever, and I can’t believe that one got by me!
My sincere apologies, Blogger #2! But hey, better late than never, so yes, you did say “potatoes”. To which I now say: But I’d be more impressed if you had said “Great Gazongas!” or “young and firm, roundly ripe melons.” heh heh heh heh ;-)
Blogger # 3 wrote a very funny post that included her amusing recollections of awkward moments in public restrooms.
Here is my comment:
Public restrooms… Reminds me of back in the dark ages when I was 19 yrs old, and in a train station when I had to do #2 real bad. I rush in and the stalls are those infernal creations that won’t let a guy in w/o putting two quarters in the slot to unlock the flippin’ stall door!!! And I had NO quarters!
But I was young and in my prime (as well as very desperate!) so I lept up and grabbed the top of the stall door and flew like flippin’ Superman over the top and down into the place I had to be, swearing like a dock worker as I stuck my landing on the toilet seat.
The guy in the stall next to me was so impressed, that he tried to reach down and under the stall wall between us, to hand me a little love note wrapped around a pen, so I could write him back – but I wasn’t feeling very kind right about then, so instead, I kicked his hand with my steel toed work boot real hard! Instead of “Brokeback Mountain” it was more like “Broken Back of the Hand!” (okay -maybe not quite that bad – but he knew for sure that I wasn’t into it!)
You can have your blog back now, and sorry for the highjack, but you inspired me, cause your poop post is very funny! LOL!”
Postscript: My sincere apologies to gay guys, but please keep in mind that I do have gay friends, some of whom I like far more than a lot of straight guys that I know. Even back when I was 16 years old in high school, one of my best friends was a gay guy who was a brilliant artist, and I hung out with him on a regular basis. It was common knowledge in our high school that my friend was gay, and he took a lot of abuse. But never when I was around, because I wouldn’t tolerate it, and the homophobic straight guys knew that I had broken some noses more than a couple times, when somebody really pissed me off.
That gay guy in the train station just had terrible timing, and if Scarlett Johansson had been in there trying to pass me love notes at that moment, I would have been just as hostile to her advances!
Blogger #4 wrote me a comment that I really appreciated, because it was for a post in which for the first time ever, I wrote a cry of anguish and anger, as I wrote about my oldest brother who was killed in Vietnam shortly before Christmas Day, 1969. The post was also about gun violence and my contempt for the NRA and all their like minded buddies.
“Chris, I’m so sorry about your brother John. That is just heartbreaking. That scene you described of witnessing your parents receiving the news is chilling. Every parent’s worst fear. I’m not a fan of war, but at least I can accept that there are guns needed in times of war. I just don’t get why we need these assault weapons back at home? To me, it’s no different than a bomb. And no one is protesting that the government won’t let us have bombs lying around in our basements. What’s the difference? Because one comes with a neat carrying case so that somehow makes it feel domestic?
Kevin’s story is heartbreaking too. What a great friend you were to him. I hope he was able to have a relationship with his son after that.”
My reply was very long, but it was also what I genuinely believe:
“Thanks. I appreciate your sympathy, and after reading your blog, I know that your sympathy is genuinely sincere. Yeah, it really is a parent’s worst fear, and since I’m the father of a wonderful daughter, I am just so grateful that so far, I’ve been spared that horrible heartbreak. But my brother Dan, who is closest to me in age, and also the brother I am closest to, well, he and his wife were not spared that horrible heartbreak when they lost their 14 year old daughter, and in a way far too nightmarish for me to talk or write about. That tragedy came close to Christmas as well, and enough said.
I’m no fan of war either. It’s the people who are the fans of war, who are the most eager to rush us into wars, and often for the worst possible of reasons. No war should ever be celebrated or glorified – not even when a war is fought and won, and it was a war that had to be fought and won, because the consequences of not fighting the war would have been far worse than fighting the war.
But only a blind fool glorifies and celebrates a war – even World War II. The veterans who risked their lives and lost their lives fighting WW II should be honored and we should express our gratitude for what they had the courage to do. The veterans who did the same in Vietnam should be honored and appreciated, even though that war should have never been fought by American soldiers, sailors and airmen. But never blame the veterans for the mistakes of the leaders who sent them to fight a war that was one of the biggest and most needlessly tragic mistakes ever.
War itself should always be recognized as the way humans create hell on earth, and in a mass horror that only those who are in a war, both soldiers and civilians, will ever fully understand. War should never be glorified, because to glorify war is to promote war, and move us closer to the next war, which might be another Vietnam or Bush Jr.’s Iraq war, instead of World War II. I have a seething contempt for war glorifiers, because they are war enablers, and they are potential accessories to the mass mayhem and murder that may result from their glorification of war.
I liked your comparison of people’s perception of bombs compared to assault rifles, and I think you are right on the mark, as well as clever with your rhetorical question that included “neat carrying cases that somehow feel domestic…” That made me smile last night when I read it. :-)
Kevin’s story was and is heartbreaking, and no, he was never able to have a relationship with his son after what happened. Me a great friend? I can be… But I’m also a man with many flaws and failings, who is sometimes not a very nice guy at all, and without a valid reason. But I have had my better moments at times – like the night when I stepped between another close friend and a guy with a large and deadly knife. I had no weapon to defend me, except for my words, and my words were enough that night to convince the man with the knife to put the knife away, and then to walk away.
But no one should ever call me a hero… Ask Elyse, because she knows my blog well enough to know that I have done many life threatening things, and not because I’m a hero – but because I’m crazy! Lol :-) But I’m crazy in a way that has never seriously harmed anyone else, because I reserve that right exclusively for myself! Lol :-)
Thanks for stopping by and for your compassionate and insightful comment. Sorry for my mile long reply, but even though I hardly know you at all, I’m already fond of you, in a fatherly sort of way. I’m looking forward to reading more of your blog, and thanks for reading mine.”
Blogger #4: I think every blog reader appreciates when the writer takes the time to write out such a thoughtful reply — thank you for that!
Yes, I know what more than a few of you, who know my long winded ways all too well, are thinking… But please be kind… not to me, but to her, because this was her very first comment on my blog, and her first exposure to one of my very long replies, and she’ll find out what I’m all about soon enough! Lol :-)
As I wrap up this post, I’d like to thank Elyse and Teeny in particular, for helping me with their comments and replies, to get through Christmas and this Holiday Season in a much better state of mind than I have in years past.
I’d also like to thank all of my blogging buddies here on WordPress for being without a doubt, the best bunch of people online that I have ever had the pleasure to know.
And Martin my friend… 2013 is going to be a much better year for you n’ me. I promise… and that’s a promise you can count on. You’ll see…
Wishing a very Happy New Year to all of you and yours, my fellow WordPressians! Because you all are truly the very best, and you deserve it!